Today is the day

So today I go in to hospital at 8:30 am and lets get this party started. I am so scared. I scared of the pain. I’m scared of the recovery. I. scared to fail….

 

I am so excited to change my life. I’m so excited to change my path. I’m so excited to change my fate. I am so excited to be the woman I am suppose to be. The mother I’m suppose to be.

Here we go.

Skinny Girl in hidding

I have been absent for so long here… So many reasons… The biggest changes in the crazy house in April 2016 my beloved Nana died. I struggle everyday with this lose. I will wright about this soon. The other main change in the crazy house is on September 9th 2016 I underwent Weight Lose Surgery. I had a procedure called the gastric sleeve.

My weight has been a constant struggle for the past 20 years. My highest weight has been 280. At 5’3″ I would say I have been am pretty unsuccessful for the last ten years.

What major thing happened to push me to make this change? In April after my Nana died one of my best friends said lets get away and we took a girls trip to Las Vegas. I had tons of fun BUT I was the biggest girl there. My ankles hurt, my knees hurt. my heart hurt. I was not living my life to the fullest. When I past a mirror or saw a picture of myself I would cringe and ask myself “who is that girl”.

The truth is that girl was a sad, lonely, unhappy person. The time had come to make a change and not a crash diet or short term fix but a life change.

I came home on May 15th and its like a light came on in my head. I need my insides to fit my outsides. So with that I decided no more fast food, no more chips no more crap. Over the last four months I have lost 40 pounds. So many people have noticed and it feels great. I also started working out at crossfit and I feel so strong.

I decided in July I wanted to have the gastric sleeve procedure. The sad part is bue to my BMI I do not meet the requirements to have it covered. It was a lot of discussion, a lot of heartache, tons of tears but we decided to be self pay and make this procedure a reality.

The weeks leading up to the surgery have been so scary.

I’m scared for so many reasons. I’m scared to fail. I’m scared of loose skin. I’m scared the message I’m sending my kids but none of these fears out weigh the benefits.

I want this WLS for my kids too. I do not want to be the fat mom. Or have them ashamed I am their mother. I want my outside to match my inside. I want to look how I think I look and I want to feel good. I want to run and play and keep up with my kids. I do not want to die because I am too fat.

Why is food so mental for me? I hate it! tomorrow my life will change forever.

Two months

At two months this baby has really settled into the family. He now sleeps all night. At about 10:45 we go into the bedroom and change for bed and by 11:30 he is fast asleep and sleeps until about 6-7 in the morning. While he is a fire sign he sure is a water baby! He loves taking baths and showers with mommy. Everyone around us is in love with him. Every time I speak to grandma, grandpa, great grand parents in-laws etc. everyone refers to him as “My Baby”. But I got news…. this baby is MINE! The older kids love helping with him and if I take him to a evening meeting or girls dinner daddy is always waiting by the door to get him. He is so easy to love!
Here he is in Nana’s arms in his favorite spot : In bed in someone’s arms! Nana sadly has been in and out of the hospital this month. When we went to visit that day she didn’t want to get up or eat or get really do anything. Then when my dad told her I was there with the baby she sparked right up asking for her baby to be brought in the room right away. It make me so happy to see her so happy with him.

Super Networker!!!

Those that know me IRL know I am busy! Busy with my kids, my home, the community and my business Origami Owl -Check me out here! One aspect of business is networking. I love to learn from others, talk about business and do all I can to make connections. Well this baby has not stopped me in that. He is already a professional networker! LOL So cute!
Here =we are at two meetings we’ve had this month:

One Month Already

Today this perfect little life is one month old. Time is pasting so quick, especially when you are happy. He is just so sweet. He never cries unless there is something wrong. He is sleeping almost all night with only one 3 am feeding and is so cuddly. He loves to held and kissed. I is loving the Moby wrap. He has a clogged tear duct so his right eye is goopy a lot and his cheeks are so red and dry. I’m not sure what to do about either things but they don’t seem to bother him. This month I took him to my Origami Owl company meeting, SOAR> There were about 750 designers there and this baby was perfect. I was hoping for him to meet Bella but she wasn’t there. He did get to meet Bella’s little brother so that was kind of cute.

What does happiness look like?

Today was the coldest day in my state on record since 2009. Sadly the big kids had to return to school from winter break today and daddy returned to work from “bonding” time with the baby. Today was the first time in 20 days I have been alone with him, the first time my feet no longer are as swollen as balloons and the first time I really realized my schedule will have to change.

Today I had planned to drop the big kids off at school, meet a customer to buy two Origami Owl Lockets, go to my dads to takes some pictures of stuff he wants me to post for sale, take my van in for service and have a networking lunch meeting. With the temperature below freezing what I actually did is drop the big kids off, meet the customer in the school parking lot (another mom) and come back home to snuggle. The baby and I napped, watched a few 80’s movies and I ate about 10 cookies.

I think this is the first time I am really seeing my schedule will have to change with the arrival of this little boy. I think I am ok with that. I could stare in his eyes all day. I am so totally in love with this baby. This is what happiness looks like!

limits

This is the first year I have not hosted a Christmas even party for friends and the kiddos. I am a bit sad about this. I miss my friends, I miss my friends out west Sad smile But I am so happy the baby is here and I just can’t push my limits.

Thing people don’t tell you

Chronicles of the first time mother of three.

Thing people don’t tell you…. The thing about that is it goes back to the whole levels of remembering… What I mean is as things are happening with this new baby, I am actually surprised and shocked… Like why did I not remember when the professionals break ones water during labor… its not pleasant. Or after baby comes every time you nurse (so far anyway) ones uterus contracts and the pain is horrible… or the bleeding… oh my the bleeding… And now that my milk has come in, which I am so happy about, but the leaking.. I am just constantly dripping…

Thankfully unlike the last baby though no baby blues, just an almost painful feeling of love and happiness. So happy about that Smile

Ok I am sure there will be more “why didn’t I remember that?!?” moments to come…

Chronicles of the first time mother of three

Ok so let me explain the new tag: “Chronicles of the first time mother of three” I sort of felt this way through out my pregnancy but oh my how I really felt it during labor and delivery and with each passing moment with my newborn NP I am feeling it more and more. This feeling of “what am I doing
?” not why did I decide to have another baby but more of a feeling why can’t I remember how to do this…. Even though I have done this not once (JM 11yrs) but twice (MD 9yrs) its as if I have never done this whole “mothering “ thing before.

I use to think when people would say “oh you forget” about the details of labor either were lying about their labor experience or just dumb. I remember both my older children’s births why can’t they?

What I have realized is there are levels of remembering. Level one complete denial and embellishment. Level two remembering enough to tell your birth story and Level three as to say yep it happened and “it really wasn’t that bad”

I think most moms fall into the level two, we think we remember. We think we are telling our birth story and we are… but we have forgotten so many actual details. The main detail I am speaking about is the pain!

With my first baby 11 years ago in my current memory It was the most perfect experience. No drugs, water broke naturally, three pushes and he was out. The birds were singing sun was shining. Pain level was mild but nothing too bad.

With my second baby I decided to get the epidural, leading to in my mind ineffective pushing leading to her getting stuck on the way out resulting in an a broken clavicle bone.
pain was zero but the experience was stressful and scary.

I wanted to get this the third baby experience down as soon as possible as I am sure the forgetting fairy takes a little bit with every nap and rest I sneak in until I will be saying “oh it really wasn’t that bad” to a pregnant friend.