The boy… more information

First let me say thank you for all the wonderful input. I have gotten some sweet emails. I finally feel like someone understands me, my son and what we and more importantly what he is going through. So thank you and keep your thoughts coming. Also let me say we have had issues socially for the past two years what brought this to a head at school now is JM taking it to the next level. And I feel somewhat guilty for my part I have in it. What I mean by this is when these boys in the past have picked on him his reaction is what they have loved. JM goes from zero to ten in moments and his ten in the past was to cry and get hysterical. My advice to him has been a few things because I don’t want him labeled as a crybaby or a tattle tale (I have made it clear he is to always tell if anyone threaten to or actually touches him) but we have talked about different things he can do when the boys are doing something he doesn’t like other then to cry or to tell. This has been to squeeze a ball in his pocket, walk away, change the subject and other things. We have tried having him bring card games he is good at to recess to have the boys join in with him. etc. to help take the focus off JM’s awkwardness.

What sets JM off can be anything from the boys not following the rules exactly as the rule book states, not building a Lego machine how he thinks it should be built, not executing a science experience the ways he wants etc. He has a huge problem working in a small group at science time when experiments are being done. I try to explain when he is working alone he is in total control on how a project is run but in a group setting everyone deserves the right to offer input and test theories even if that means JM has to know in his own mind that theory will fail. This is a concept he almost is incapable of grasping but in a school setting unavoidable.

So what has changed recently is he has transitioned from dealing with the boys and situations from crying to anger. In the group setting the teacher is at least there to help facilitate the situation but at recess or other transition times like lunch he is on his own.

so a few questions that have been asked:

*What are the other children doing to target your son, and is there a pattern to it? What the boys do directly or at least most recently is they “rank” one another military style. So guess who is always the grunt solider? And all the other ranks have the “right” to boss him around. The teacher tells him not to play if it is not the game he likes but according to my son all the other boys at recess are playing kickball or football which neither work for my kid. And he doesn’t want to play with the girls. And he doesn’t want to be alone

*Are the threats your son is making general or specific? The threats he made that got him in trouble were “if you don’t stop ranking me I’m going to stab you in the heart”. *Are the threats in response to or defending himself from others? I think they were a react to being completely frustrated as to how to get them to play with him instead of having him as their “grunt”. *What symptoms are the medications for: focusing, anxiety, etc? The first medication is suppose to be for being impulsive. Thinking before he speaks and acts, giving him a filter. For example after two day in school suspension for the threat of stabbing the kid in the heart. The next day in class he made stabbing motions and laughing at the kid. (Now my son says the boy did it first so JM thought it was a game. The teacher says she only saw my son and the other boy says he didn’t do it. BUT my kid is not a liar but I could not prove it.) This is why I told him to stay close to the teacher. The boys can not say he did something if he is right by her side. The second medication is suppose to help with focus.

*What strategies were tried before the decision to medicate? We were trying weekly and monthly reward programs. We were also doing bi-weekly therapy. That therapist was more concerned with me and what I was doing vs. giving Jason tools to cope and deal with situations. We are seeing someone else. Someone that has been suggested to us for JM’s specific problems.

*What strategies worked last year, and why are they no longer effective? The situation was different. The only one getting hurt was my child and his feelings so the school was less concerned. Now that he has threatened others they are all ears.

I feel like I want to be fair….. I know my child isn’t an angel. He truly does make it hard for others to like him. He speaks loud, has no concept of personal space, he thinks he is smarter then everyone including the teacher and will tell you as much, has no concept of rudeness (he tells total strangers on the street to stop smoking because the second hand smoke will kill not only them but him), he has reached out without asking to touch a friend of mine’s nine month pregnant belly to see if he could feel the baby move. He has told my father in law who is 80 yrs old that he is old and biologically his death is near, he has told me that I should eat right because I am overweight (even though he knows I diet all the time and very sensitive). He just doesn’t get he can and is hurting someone’s feelings and everything is always happening TO him. He rarely will take any responsibility for his role in the problem. BUT that is who he is. He is honest and true and just because he say things others are thinking he is thought of as different and makes others uncomfortable. So that is more of a picture of my child. Good or bad I love him and I want others to love him but most important I want him to feel loved and accepted by his peers.

Anyone offer advice?

So here is what’s been going on for the past three weeks in our lives…..

My son (JM) who is nine has been in gifted since 1st grade. Before school he never went to school he always was home with me. I have always been what most consider a “helicopter” mom….. meaning I hover. When he was small I was always there to step into any situation to say ” ok kids let’s talk about this, let’s work this out”. What I thought at the time was I was modeling how to deal with these situations. What I didn’t realize was I was not allowing him to develop these skills on his own. So when he started school and he was a bit immature, not the best socially I always had an excuse…. “He’s so smart the others can’t relate to him” or “his a boy so this is why he’s so immature” or “he’s having social issues because I never allowed him to develop them on his own”. So the first year of school was great with a wonderful teacher who saw how special my child is. Starting in 1st grade the trouble began. To make a very long story short the problems at school has come to a serious head three weeks ago. On February 17, 2012 my child was making threats to others and himself. He got two days in school suspension. We saw a new doctor at one of the best places where we live and he was oked by her that he is not an immediate threat to himself or others. They did put him on a medication for a trial period. After a very long in take process, they told me he has ADHD and she believes he also has Asperser’s. He will be doing testing to confirm. She assures me while my hovering may have impacted him slightly, he is who he is no matter what I did when he was little.

The school wants to start a RTI data collection program and I have request a 504 plan be started. Also I have contacted a child advocate.

I am worried because the boys in his class are mean and seem to take enjoyment in getting him in trouble and my poor boy doesn’t realize this fact. And the teacher is now keeping a very close eye on my kid for any little thing.

The school will not move his class and the doctor supports this choice. She says my son needs to learn to adapt to these types of situations. It’s just hard to think of my son feeling alone. I wanted him out of this class but what she said was there is always going to be these mean children and we (the teacher, myself, the school, the Drs) all need to help my son learn to cope with this. This is what she said she is talking about when she said “adapt”. Its hard for me to deal with I said if I were in a situation where I was getting teased or had no friends I would leave and when he is at school in class this is just not an option. But the dr said switching classes would send him the wrong message. I agree and disagree at the same time. I guess I would feel better about it if I knew for a fact the teacher is teaching the other children tolerance. But I hold onto there are 53 more school days in this year, and then we can regroup, reboot, attend social skill class and be on the medications all summer. I will be so in tune at the start of next year that at the first sign of trouble I will then make a choice about home schooling him without “sending him the wrong message”.

Parents, In my same boat with an older child, even adult children please tell me this gets easier. Please tell me one day my sweet son will find others that will love him for who he is. He will find friends who take him into their circle.

I struggle with putting him on medication (for the past three weeks he has been on one and in six weeks they may put him on a second).

So what we have done over the past three weeks: Gotten him into see a new Doctor who prescribed medication and is monitoring him very closely, gotten him into bi-weekly one on one therapy to talk about his feelings and what is happening to him, gotten him into a weekly group social skills class and he continues to have play dates with a boy in the area who is also high functioning Asperser child.
Anyone have any thoughts or advice etc on medication?

My son has been on Intuniv for three weeks and the dr likes what she sees. She said when we come back for his follow up she wants to add Strattera.

Anyone have any personal experience with these?

We have also started a major behavior plan at school in addition to medication BTW. He is on a daily reward system with another weekly incentive. But at this point I am so happy for him to just get through each day. I just want him to get past this part and get him into adulthood where I hope it will be an easier path.

Do you ever feel “pinned” to the computer?

So the new time sucking internet craze is www. pinterest .com. I heard about it about six months ago but have been avoiding it like the plague. I know just how much time can be lost on these type of sites. Just look at how big blogs were about 15 years ago, then message board forums, then my space, then facebook and now pinterest. It is so easy to get lost in cyberspace.

I do have back topics to write about as far back as the kids birthdays in November but for now I focus on current events.

This week is Spring Break and we are happily enjoying the Lakehouse again this year. It is just as we left it last August. It is peaceful, tranquil, full of nature and adventure and let’s not forget the naps! Zeus is enjoying himself as well. He is quite cute sniffing the air, barking at bunnies and dears and loving swimming in the pool. I love the dears will run by so close at night if you are quiet enough, we’ve seen three so far. It is a bit cooler this year due to Spring Break being in March instead of April but we are dealing with it. We have been here five nights and have two more left. I have read two and a half books, spent an afternoon on pinterest “pinning” some cool stuff and it’s not even over yet. Then back to reality. I did restructure my work schedule so I will be working less. Due to JM’s issues I’ve had to cut back my hours so I decided to work from 9-3 with every other Friday off with one job instead of 9:30-6pm M-F with two jobs.

I would love to try to go back to creating things to sell online but I never seem to find the time to craft but maybe now with less working hours I will.

The baby plans were set back a bit. My last blood test (3 weeks ago) came back with my sugar levels still too high. On one hand I know I need to continue to work on this and get it under control before I get pregnant again but on the other hand it is unfair for this doctor to be able to have this kind of control over what we do and when. But whatever I still want a baby to be our outcome. Sadly due to JM’s recent issue’s I have put my diet and baby efforts on hold but when we get back starting Monday I am ready to go head on and re-tackle this sugar issue again. Then I will re-test 4-6 weeks after that.

So that is almost a total Crazymom update. I hope all is well with everyone else. I will post about JM’s issues once we have a firm handle on them and I can post a complete assessment.

**UPDATE we found out at the end of this trip MD faints at the sight of blood….. like seriously out cold. OH the Drama!

“There’s money to be made”

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I have a new TV obsession (like i need another one)…. Storage Wars. I just love this show. It is basically a show about a group of people who go around buying abandoned storage lockers and then trying to resell the content for profit. I had a friend who maybe four years ago approached me about doing this and it sparked my interest then but even more so now. Problem then and now is the capital and how to off load the items. My Aunt this year opened a resale shop but she’s still struggling but what an adventure.

I wish I had a nerve to start a business. I have so many ideas.

My most recent idea is a bit of a life coaching type of one stop shop company. To clarify I would not be doing any coaching but I know someone who would be more then quified in that department. I would love to run the business, do the marketing, schdules, organize and maybe run an art type groups for little kids. My son has been going through some major issues these past few weeks and finding him the resources and help he needs and the support I need has been harder then it should have been. I would love to be in the business of making that easier. So that’s just one more idea I have going.

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A Place For Everything

removing the clutter...forever