So we’re home.

We returned on Tuesday and I am still suffering from family withdraw and jetlag. My mount of mail has been sorted, my 203 emails have been somewhat dealt with and I can no longer hide from Gabe. Gabe who was almost as happy as DH to see me has decide no more vacations for me. 

The main thing I learned while away from crazyland is; the land of far, far away is a whole lot crazier then crazyland.  I will say I will N.E.V.E.R. let DH ever divore me for any reason. I would not, could not go it alone full time. Being away and living off the generosity of others really is a self analyzing experience. While everyone is doting on my children all I can see is how I am failing them as a mother. The boy is over sensitive, extremely attached and talks A LOT! The girl is a force to be reckoned with. She is strong willed, sure of herself to the point of danger and so adventurous Amazing Race producers are already courting her. On the other hand yes they were a bit loud and active they were well mannered and all of those behaviors noted above really are good attributes. It just shocks me on so many levels one how different they are but how wonderfully confident they both are in their own ways. I want my little babies and part of me wants those “seen but not heard” type of children but these little people are just that little people. And dispite my best efforts to screw them up it seems they are coming along nicely.  

Anyway the beach was awesome. It was so nice seeing Shel. It was this perfect, surreal almost time.  So very comfortable. The children acted as though they had know each other all of their lives and her and I, it was as if not a moment had pasted. My parents were wonderful and so generous. Even my in-laws house was nice. No sister in law conversations and other then JM puking on their freshly steamed cleaned white carpet and MD falling down a few steps it went smooth. My sister and I fought like only her and I can, but we love each other. We have such different prospectives on life. She looks at my life like I have it all and sure if you think living pay check to pay check, compulsive over eating and extreme depression is perfect then she is correct. I look at her life and just want good, no wonderful things for her and don’t want her to make the same mistakes I have made. It is almost as if I am watching a movie and you see the girl walking toward danger and you scream at the screen and she keeps walking.. Anyway I suppose thats a post for another day. But I do love her and glad she is my sister.  

We also went to Disney World. We went a 9am and didnt leave until around midnight. OMG what an exciting day. We did all the great rides, took awesome pictures, saw the parade and fireworks and JM went on his first rollercoaster with his aunt. The main difference between Disneyworld and
Disneyland is when you decide to leave DL in about 15 minutes you are in your hotel room cooling off. In DW you must catch a ferry (or monorail) then off to a bus that only comes about every 40 minutes driven by, if you are lucky a sober driver. All in all the big cheese was a hit once again.

Did I mention I managed to completely rip off my big toes toe nail? 

So to sum it up I laughed, I cried, I bled and now Im back.         

returning to the nest

Well I am off to see the rents for three weeks. They live in the kingdom of far, far away. The flight we will last about four hours and yes I will be traveling with an ogre, donkey and a fat princess. With just a hint of cough syrup with Codeine. Wish me luck and see you in three weeks!  


huh I can’t hear you

I went to a rock concert the other night with my friend. We went to see one of my most favorite bands POISON!!! They played all their old songs and it was so much fun!!! There is just something about seeing a band you have loved for years and years and knowing every word to every song! We had amazing seats but next summer I want to try to get in the first five rows… whatever the cost! Did I say I had an amazing time!!!  

The only bad thing about seeing the sounds of yeastier year is it brings back haunting memories of the past. The shouldas, couldas, wouldas…. Realizing how happy I am now. Enjoying our day this being eight years. Knowing and feeling that, why do I still hate him so much for forever separating me from what could never be? Why so far away? From me? From everything? To drift in and then back out so suddenly? Do you even know? Do you even care? Why do I even care? I don’t know…. I hope you are safe and and as loved as I am.          

WHOOOOOO a whole lotta crazy going on up there…. I can think of only one person who can maybe, possibly understand such rambling

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