Making a change is a process

I saw the below on a message board I really like and it makes so much sense to me. 

 

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
By Portia NelsonChapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

 

It is final.

 The cars are both registered, the mail has been forward, the new driver licenses both read “Southern state you almost forgot”, the nail polish is finally fresh and Crazydad and I went on a date without the kids. He took the day off to finalize the car title situation and it took an amazing short period of time. Luckily both kids were happy playing at grandma’s house anyway. She managed to wrangle the boy with Little Einstein’s and the girl was in heaven when grandma’s garage revealed it contained a Barbie Mansion roughly big enough for MD to get inside (thank you Aunt CM for letting her play with it).

So with our morning to yourself Crazydad suggested we go to breakfast, we found ourselves at Denny’s. Not just any Denny’s but the one which happened to be where we went the night we meet. So there we were today, two slightly older people strolled in and there we sat close to two hours just talking and laughing. I forgot just how interesting, funny, witty and extremely charming Crazydad can be when he is not running a two year old to the bathroom every three minutes and there isn’t a certain four year old needing him to be “teamers” with him constantly.

He was so relaxed and we really enjoyed each other for the morning. Yes we still have the day to day stresses, urgency to sell our house and the mundaness of work but for this morning we just enjoyed talking to each other.

  For the record I managed to be very sensible food wise on our date despite breakfast food is a weakness for me. One pancake (no butter) a dash of sugar free syrup, 4 slices of bacon and hash browns. Considering it was breakfast and lunch together I stayed on point today. A good day all around right up until about five minutes ago when he said “get off that computer or I’ll pull a Chris Benoit on you”. Well at least he thinks he is funny!!! What a dork, he’s lucky I find his humor is funny too!          *Thank you mom for allowing us to have this and I look forward to a lifetime of just this.           

At least I was good at something….

Today I was listening to my MP3 player filled with all of my favorite songs and it got me thinking about the ease of living today. Walkman tape player with headphones replaced with MP3 players and iPods with earbuds.

When I was younger to hear ones favorite songs you either had to buy the whole album or make your own mix tape off the radio. I was a huge fan of the mix tape. I made my fair share of mixed tapes and gave away a few as well. I knew I had a good friend when she handed me a mix tape she made just with me in mind or if I liked a boy …. watch out because the mix tape was coming!

Making the mix tape was a fine art, filling up each side of the tape right up to the end with no dead space and no songs cut off abruptly, talent I tell you talent! I am alittle embarrassed I actually gave my boyfriend just before Crazydad a mix tape and that was as recent as 1995.

Listening to the radio for hours. The play, record and pause buttons all pressed, with my fingers just hovering, posed to catch the start of whatever song I was looking for. The songs that would be just perfect for that tape. It could take hours, days even. How great for my mother because I was chained to the radio for long stretches of time. Not wanting to miss the song that was just right to be next. Then there were the times when I was recording a song and forgot and let it run into the commercials. Or the absolute worst thing; my mom came in to tell me to do this chore or that thus ruining that song completely. Ahhh the joys of the mix tape good for keeping or giving to that someone special.

My poor children will never know the love of the mix tape. I know they can still burn music on a cd but it’s not the same. Where is the thrill in point and clicking? No no one needs the excitement of what is coming onto the radio next, starting and stopping at just the right moment……. Those poor, poor children.  Thank goodness I never made Crazydad a mix tape….. he would still be laughing to this day!   

Do you know the cure?

I went to my WW meeting tonight. I was very inspired by the meetings topic. We talked about the cure to all things in life. Some thought it was determination or preservation and I thought it was positive thinking but we were all wrong. The cure for all things in life is salt water.

Sweat

Tears

And the Sea

When we are stressed sometimes a good cry can release us or a brisk walk to clear our head and even better sitting on a quiet beach alone with our thoughts. This makes sense to me. As much as I loath exercising I have been doing more of it over the last week and a half and not only do I feel somewhat physically better then I have in the past but I feel more positive and happy in my mind and sprit. The sweating is somewhat like purifying my body and cleansing it of harmful toxins. The frustration of the day or the stresses from the children or the anxiety of finances all mount on our shoulders. But getting healthy and moving is freeing. I owe it to myself to continue on this journey. I owe it to myself to be completely committed to this path.

Sometimes I cry when I’m sleepy and haven’t gotten enough rest, sometimes I cry and I don’t even know why but I sit here now and cry because I know I have the strength and power in me to become a healthier person. A person who has the energy to do all the things I want to do and on my own terms.

I am excited about what tomorrow will bring. I’m nervous about what can come in the weeks ahead of me but I sit here and cry happy tears knowing I am breaking this cycle of negativity.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I can’t bring myself to remove the horrible looking paint. It is over two months ago when they were done but I smile everytime I look at them.

Oh Suzanna…. I love you this much!!!

Don’t hassle the Hoff!

 **She wants it to be clear, he was her crush in the Knight Rider days (when she was?  Maybe 12 years old)  but he really doesn’t do much for her now.

OK above is now noted. 🙂 click and save.

SHHHHH I’m still going to send her shameless amounts of Hoff pics!!! Don’t tell her…..

From there to here but now where?

I love a great bag. I have always been a girl with many purses of all shapes and sizes. I love to switch often with outfits and whim. But ever since the boy was born my purse/bag obsession has changed into a backpack/diaper bag obsession whether I wanted it to or not. Every once in awhile when I go out with my girlfriends I can carry a purse but only at night without the kids. When the girl came along that just meant more time with the backpack/ diaper bags. I missed my ever changing handbag option. I had my moments going from backpack, to pouches, to diaper bags searching for the perfect one. Incase you are a DINK household (double income no kids) let me break it down for you….. Babies equal stuff and lots of it. When you decided you are capable of leaving the home base you have to bring all your baby gear. There are bibs, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, bottles, formula, blankets, toys and blah, blah, blah. The “bag” is also good for sneaking popcorn into the movie theater. Here has been my favorite bag.  

 Well with the girl completely potty trained now I no longer need all the stuff babies need. No diapers, no bottles and the change of emergency clothes can stay in the van. We don’t even need sippy cups anymore. So yep you guessed it I can once again carry a purse. A real live purse everyday to places in the daytime with the kids…  I can hardly believe it.   I realized the other day I was carrying this huge backpack and not going into it for one thing. I ran right out to a great yard sale and found this wonderful vintage purse for $1.00. I love it!  

I do have mixed feelings, I am oh so happy about my purses returning, my shoulders feel so light and I no longer feel like I have half my kids things on my back but this means my kids are no longer babies. We totally feel like our family is complete but I just miss my babies sometimes. I am excited to see what will happen next on our journey. I do plan on still carrying my backpack to the movies because hey who can afford to buy popcorn?

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