I could just eat her up!

Ok so my kitchen has a lazy Susan. I keep odds and ends including all these bright colored sprinkles for cookie and cake. MD loves playing in there. I hate it she always pinches her little fingers. I do let her play in the lazy Susan because if she is bothering in there she is allowing me to clean the kitchen. Well tonight DH was washing the dishes and I hear a ” Oh MD get outta there” I think to myself that she is at the sprinkles again…. Well up the stairs climbs the sweetest vanilla cookie I have ever tasted! She had managed to dump an entire bottle of vanilla extract on herself! After a bubble bath and a bunch of stain removal (for the clothes not the babe) She still smells like a Christmas cookie. I hope the bed bugs aren’t eating her this minute!

Happybirthday Crazychildren

I can’t believe the kids birthday party has come and gone. It seems time flies right by me as I tick, tick, tick on the computer keys. Every year I say I will just have a small “no frills” party for the kids and then it comes and I always go so overboard. This year we had a cheerleader/football player party. Complete with an actual football hero and peppy cheerleader. I know the kids had a great time and by hiring these entertainers so did I. Here are the Thank you cards:

I can’t believe how these children have grown. On each of their birthdays, during their nap I just sat and thought about their births. How I wanted them to be perfect. Although they were extremely different they each had their own and shockingly each fits the child thus far.

I remember when I first meet DH, I had a plan. That plan has varied a bit (ummmm AZ and infertility) but it was it always was about being together and having babies. I must add it also included winning Power Ball but I guess even the best of plans have flaws…. I have always been a list maker. I have spiral after spiral of lists. And of all my “life lists” babies were always at the top. The key word being babies I don’t think I really ever thought about them getting older.

It shocks me at the amount of words and understanding JM has. MD well she is one smart cookie. I know girls mature faster then boys but man o’ man does she know how to work both her brother and dad over. I watch her and it makes me laugh. She truly is more like me then I realize.

That girl is really going to give me a run for my money. I have no idea what the future holds.

I know there was an AMC before this family came but I really think of that girl as another lifetime. I like that girl, but she does not exist anymore. I like the current AMC and I am sure I will like the AMC of tomorrow. I guess I change just like the kids do.

I fuss at JM when it is 2am and he is still bouncing off the walls in bed or whispering “mom, let’s get up” in the middle of the night. I don’t even want to think of the time when he outgrows being this child. Outgrows “smothering” and “finger kisses”. And MD, oh how I love being close to her. She is such an independent girl. The few and far between moments she want to be held close. To hold her as she sucks her thumb is so sweet. I cry for that AMC of tomorrow. How sad it will be to watch them drive away or slam the door. Oh and the inevitable moment in time one or both of them scream “I hate you mom!” and truly sound like they mean it.

No they can’t stay “babies” forever. I just have to enjoy their babyhood as long as it lasts and embrace the JM and MD and even the AMC of tomorrow.

Inside Edition letter

I am writing in regards to your story on the Family Bed (sleep sharing or co-sleeping) Your story angle shade a dark cast on the family bed in my opinion. We are a co-sleeping family. We have a three year old son and a twelve month old daughter. Our daughter currently prefers to sleep in a crib beside our bed (sidecaring)while our son from birth prefers to be in our family bed. This is a common practice for family who believe in Attachment Parenting or AP style parenting. My personal belief if everyone is happy then it is what should be happening. The idea behind AP is follow your heart. So often as parents we are told baby should be doing this or if you don’t do this ____ negative thing will happen. That is simply not true. Our animal instinct is to protect and care for our off spring. Our instinct almost always are right on the mark. I spoke to my doctor when my son was three days old. Telling him my baby cries after I nurse him and put him in his crib to sleep. I was told this is normal. It is normal for mom to be emotional but a baby needs to cry it out, he said. I am so thankful I ignored this advice, brought our baby into our bed following my heart and the crying stopped. What makes us believe after nine month of constant bonding an infant would like to retire to a big quiet crib in his or her own room alone? For that matter why do adults share a bed when not engaged in sexual relations? I will tell you, human being need to feel comfort. We need to feel safe, protected and bonded. Sometimes our son will have a bad dream or cry out in the night. We are there to comfort him even before he fully wakes up. Our daughter is still very close beside our bed and we get the same effect. When she tosses and turns in the night we can comfort her before she fully wakes up. Everyone as a result has a better, longer rest.

Higher self-esteem. Boys who coslept with their parents between birth and five years of age had significantly higher self-esteem and experienced less guilt and anxiety. For women, co-sleeping during childhood was associated with less discomfort about physical contact and affection as adults (Lewis & Janda, 1988). Co-sleeping appears to promote confidence, self-esteem, and intimacy, possibly by reflecting an attitude of parental acceptance (Crawford, 1994).

This is just a part of why co-sleeping is the right choice for our family. Please review

THIS

I do want to mention co-sleeping needs to be practiced in a safe way. No one in the bed should be over weight, using alcohol or drugs.

I feel if you are going to cover the why not to co-sleep the benefits should also be brought to light.

ok maybe we can all put the cake down now……

Dear AMC,

It’s interesting to me that you find humor in things that hurt other people. You can call them rumors or idle gossip, but the truth of the matter is that your actions speak louder than any of their words. And even if we completely removed everything that happened before you joined our chapter, the things that you have done since you have been here are what prompted me to send you my original email.
I have absolutely no doubt that you plan on staying an active member and daytime events coordinator, I am asking that you consider other people’s feelings besides your own. Being the new girl is not the only hard position to be in.
~Ms Mean girl

Dear Ms mean girl
I am sorry you view my actions as anything other than good at heart. I am doing the best that I can. I am trying to wave a white flag here.
Other then being over excited about being in MOMS Club, I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I am in the process of finishing February and March calendar. I put the park days back where Ms Prez asked. All I can do is repeat that my intentions are to help continue to make this chapter great. I wish that you viewed that as an asset rather then some evil plan to “take over”. I do hope my actions speak that: providing meal support, gathering donations (for the luncheon and the quarter auction), planning and host playgroups, offering ideas. I am not asking for a pat on the back rather a sign I am here to be part of the group.

As for whatever you have heard about me, I am going to have to dismiss it as gossip because I don’t know what it is therefore can not defend myself. I can tell you I believe in this club on a whole and have never done anything that doesn’t support that. Gossip has a way of being twisted.

I don’t fault you for being protective of this chapter but please know we are on the same side. Believe it or not from the bottom of my heart. It was very difficult to leave my former chapter, who I do remain friends with. I just felt I wanted to create bonds for my children closer to home. With children they would be going to school with, who live “down” the street. I want the same for myself as well. I want to meet a mom at the Safeway, community center, Doctor’s office and be able to say “hey I know this great support group in our area do you want to join?”

My personality is strong and I tend to come off as over the top. I know this but that is just me. I am excited about and love MOMS Club I hope that shines through.
~AMC

Dear AMC,
Okay…. I think maybe the key to making some peace here is your acknowledgement that we are and always have been a great chapter. Yes, we have had some slumps just like all chapters do. But we have always had a strong group of members that have made this a great club. Not everything needs changing. Thank you for putting the park days back to the first Wednesday of the month. That will go a long way to show all the older members respect for what was in place and working well. And it will also add some variety to the calendar and I bet you will start to hear more appreciation for the events and tours that you put a lot of time and effort into planning.

I know that you feel like the things that I have said in these emails have been hurtful. But they have also been honest and up front. And if you wanted to know why people seemed stand-offish and not overwhelming welcoming…. well, now you know. It’s not because I (or anyone else) is running around spreading gossip about you. It’s because they felt some of your actions and comments about wanting to change things were insulting. We are a great chapter, we are proud of it, and we support our board members. And if I had never said anything, you might have spent the next six months walking around wondering what the heck everyone’s problem was.

~Ms mean girl

Dear mean girl
I have heard nothing but praise from members about the past few month’s events so that is why I was under the false impression park days weren’t that important. Now I see differently

At least I got the last word…..

The following is the past few days worth of mean emails. Starting with one to the group and my reply to the group and the ones that follow are private. I want to say I have no idea what “they” are talking about and I am extremely hurt. I plan to continue to be myself and not let this break my spirit. This girl is not an active member (I actually think she works and her children are around 12yrs) other then MNO but she has a group of good friends who are active. I know this girl is a mean, unhappy and gossipy person. That does not make this blow any easier…..

First Mean girl email :
Mom’s Night Out – Wednesday, November …th at 6:30pm
This month for MNO we will go to ……
We’ll meet there at 6:30pm for dinner and then hang out to enjoy each
others company and for what always turns out to be a fun and
“interesting” time.
Hope to see you there!
> Ms Mean girl

My group reply that she would not put to the group:
Have fun girls. I wish could join you but I work on Monday and
Wednesday evening. Maybe one month soon
we can meet on a different night. 🙂 AMC

Mean girl reply to me:
You know AMC, I never once complained or even made a comment to you about any of the events that you plan that I am not able to attend because of my schedule. I would appreciate the same consideration from you. I know you work Monday and Wednesday nights. I know you wish MNO was on another night. You send an email saying that almost every single time, I get it. We re-evaluated with surveys the last time you complained and found out what we already knew – Wednesday night works for the majority of the club and is when we have the best turn out. So that is when we plan them for. If it is hosted at someone’s house, they pick the night. So it is no surprise that most of the time, they chose Wednesday.
So I guess I will see you at the next event that you plan that works for my schedule. If you like, I can reply when the events are sent out letting everyone know what my schedule is and what would work better for me, but I’m afraid that might be rude.
~Ms Mean girl

My reply to her:

Dear Mean girl, Your email is extremely hurtful. My intent is a hope that maybe others who don’t have evening commitments might say what other nights are good as well. I know on those surveys sometimes we say one night might be better then others but sometimes really it is not that big of a deal and we choose a night at random.

I never once sent you any kind of personal attack. I am a new member trying to fit in. All I ever hear from my fellow members is if something doesn’t work for you to speak up and we will make it work . As far as your schedule or needs how can I meet them? I am more then happy to put something on the calendar that is more convenient for you. Just like I have done with every other request I have received from our members in regards to the daytime events. Are your children in school? Maybe we can form an after school playgroup or a mommy playgroup. I know you have been an active member of this chapter and are still an extremely well accepted and key member. It is so easy to forget how hard it is being the “new” girl. Until this experience I don’t think I understood what that meant. Sometimes it is just hard to see.

MOMS Club is about supporting one another. Meeting the needs of each one of us and while I would never expect for any event to be planned solely with my needs in mind, I am a member….. an active member who deserves to be heard and supported.

I offered twice last month to host the December’s MNO and both times that offer was meet with silence. I understand. I suppose to branch out to embrace new people is hard at first and I can be patience. I respect the time the board, the coordinators and general membership put into making our chapter wonderful. I respect you for all the work you do, and have done.
I also ask that my hard work and commitment to this club and chapter be looked at as a sign that I have a commitment to help make our chapter great.

I wish I knew you better, I’m sorry I don’t know the ages of your children. I am positive you face your own set of challenges.

I have a three year old and a just twelve month old. It is extremely difficult to get to know other members and build real relationships at events. In fact I have been a member for almost four months and was able to attend last months MNO ( my teaching job was on a break) And twice I heard from two different members “wow that surprises me about you” and “oh I would never had guessed that”. MNO at it’s core is a time for us moms to get to know each other on levels you can’t while chasing around wee ones. And trust me mine need chasing. I am at a point in my life and my children’s that I need this club desperately for friendships and most importantly support..

No I am not asking for any special favors other then I really would love the chance for other to see the normal side of me. Not just the crazy coming apart at the seems, desperate mom that comes to calendar events. A chance for our fellow members to get to know me.

I am guessing this is more of a response then you are looking for. Maybe you were probably hoping for no response at all and I’m sure I sound quit pathetic. I know there are a lot worse problems in the world then not feeling like anyone knows me or like I know them or the need to be accepted. I am just feeling isolated and sad. I am trying so hard but I feel like I am being judged for wanting desperately to have a connection.

I am not asking for MNO to be changed, just rotated and at this point I have a paranoid feeling even if it were to happen even just one time I would be boycotted and OH how that would be devastating on me. I am truly not trying to start a fight here or make you feel sorry for me. I am not trying to be a boat rocker, complain or be rude. I just want an opportunity to fit in. I respect the amount of time you have been a member of this chapter. I appreciate all the work you have done and continue to do for there even to be a chapter for me to be in. All I am asking is for is some understanding and compassion.

Thanks for listening. I know it was more then you wanted. I just wanted you to understand my intent and where I am coming from. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings with my intended post that is not why I wrote it. Truly I am trying to make friends here not enemies.

Sincerely, AMC

The jaw dropping respose from mean girl:
It’s time to stop dancing around the real issue here and just lay it all out on the table. The fact of the matter is that your reputation preceded you before you ever even joined our chapter. Many of us heard about the different troubles that you caused within your previous chapter. We knew about you before we ever even knew you, but decided to give you a fair chance when you got here. *****AMC insert {I have no idea what she is talking about!!!!}*****

We ALL remember VIVIDLY what it is like to be the new person. We have all been there and know what it is like to feel like the outsider. And I have seen most everyone in this club do an awesome job of making new members feel welcome. But I can honestly say I have never seen a new member come in and try to take over the way you have. I was there the day you came to your first event. You came in, introduced yourself to mean girl friend and myself, shook our hands, and started listing off the things you wanted to change.***AMC insert {NOT TRUE!!}***** From our outings to our service projects, you had an agenda all planned out. Honestly now , can you not see how that might not be well received? You said at mean girl’s friend’s house that you didn’t feel welcome at the first few events? *****AMC insert {this small group of mean girls treat me horrible. No wonder I was feeling it!}******
Well how do you think we felt? You have a reputation throughout MC of causing trouble *****AMC insert {I guess that is why IMC is promoting me???}***** and you come in and immediately want to change things. For you to say that you are not trying to be a “boat rocker” it just ludicrous to me. In your email you wrote “My intent is a hope that maybe others who don’t have evening commitments might say what other nights are good as well”. I know exactly what your intent is. It is to change this chapter into exactly what YOU want it to be. A chapter that does a service project once a month, a chapter that raises money for a shade awning for the park, a chapter that has MNO on the third Tuesday of every month, a chapter that doesn’t have park days on Wednesdays, and so on and so on. And you think that one by one you will accomplish these things until you are on the board next year and can have more control. But what you are doing in the midst of all this manipulating is creating a lot of hard feelings. These people are my friends. And I have sat here for the last four months and watched you do things to hurt them and manipulate them. I can’t speak for any of them, it is up to them if they want to be honest with you, but I have had enough.

I have never spoken to anyone in MOMS Club like this before and never thought I would. But it would kill me to see this chapter be destroyed by people with dishonest intentions. You do not need to tell me that MOMS Club is about supporting one another. I know what MOMS Club is about and I know the kind of experiences I have had within the club. If you have been in the club for years and are feeling “isolated and sad” than maybe you need to step back and really evaluate what you are trying to accomplish here. What is more important to you? Making close friendships or making the outings, service projects, and MNO’s what YOU want them to be?

~Ms mean girl

Dear Mean girl,

Thanks for the email, I haven’t laughed that hard in years. It seems you’ve uncovered my secret plot to overthrow the world, starting or course, with MOMS Club. Your vigilance is admirable. If left unchecked, I may seize control in a hostile takeover and schedule a dreaded laundry and house cleaning party at my house. Of course I am only JOKING! But seriously, I am not trying to take over your club and I’m sorry that you have succumbed to dealing in idle gossip. My only intent is to be an active, involved member of MOMS Club. You can believe what you want or feel free to call me to clear any rumors you have heard. I plan on staying a member and will make a concerted effort to fully accommodate the requests of our members as daytime events coordinator.

~AMC

If Ms mean girl and her group of “we” thought I was gangbusters before…. just wait!!!! Is this a support group or what???

A Place For Everything

removing the clutter...forever