Skinny Girl in hidding

I have been absent for so long here… So many reasons… The biggest changes in the crazy house in April 2016 my beloved Nana died. I struggle everyday with this lose. I will wright about this soon. The other main change in the crazy house is on September 9th 2016 I underwent Weight Lose Surgery. I had a procedure called the gastric sleeve.

My weight has been a constant struggle for the past 20 years. My highest weight has been 280. At 5’3″ I would say I have been am pretty unsuccessful for the last ten years.

What major thing happened to push me to make this change? In April after my Nana died one of my best friends said lets get away and we took a girls trip to Las Vegas. I had tons of fun BUT I was the biggest girl there. My ankles hurt, my knees hurt. my heart hurt. I was not living my life to the fullest. When I past a mirror or saw a picture of myself I would cringe and ask myself “who is that girl”.

The truth is that girl was a sad, lonely, unhappy person. The time had come to make a change and not a crash diet or short term fix but a life change.

I came home on May 15th and its like a light came on in my head. I need my insides to fit my outsides. So with that I decided no more fast food, no more chips no more crap. Over the last four months I have lost 40 pounds. So many people have noticed and it feels great. I also started working out at crossfit and I feel so strong.

I decided in July I wanted to have the gastric sleeve procedure. The sad part is bue to my BMI I do not meet the requirements to have it covered. It was a lot of discussion, a lot of heartache, tons of tears but we decided to be self pay and make this procedure a reality.

The weeks leading up to the surgery have been so scary.

I’m scared for so many reasons. I’m scared to fail. I’m scared of loose skin. I’m scared the message I’m sending my kids but none of these fears out weigh the benefits.

I want this WLS for my kids too. I do not want to be the fat mom. Or have them ashamed I am their mother. I want my outside to match my inside. I want to look how I think I look and I want to feel good. I want to run and play and keep up with my kids. I do not want to die because I am too fat.

Why is food so mental for me? I hate it! tomorrow my life will change forever.

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