I wish I would learn already….

I know it has been a very long time. I feel like life has been just insane lately. I have been going through a lot of stuff. At times I feel like the world is crashing in around me. I have been really depressed for so many reasons. Both children have been really accident prone lately. JM fell at school and ripped his finger nail back to the first knuckle and had to have it removed.

MD almost bite her tongue almost through but thankfully it was ok after almost five hours of bleeding. Then last night she got mad at daddy and tried to bite him and caught her right top front tooth on his wedding ring and yanked it right out. I was so sad about that…

I haven’t had her picture professionally taken since she was three and now her baby teeth smile is no longer.

 I can’t seem to get a handle on JM’s school situation and not sure of any of the choices I am making for him and his future. And in the process hoping not to forget MD in the whole schooling situation. I have been super indifferent about food and the choices I have been making about that. I want to think I have come far and am making progress but I sometimes feel I am more broken then when I started this journey. I have a hard time seeing the simple small successes. I know with all the gym time I have put in I know I am physically stronger. I know with giving up some of my commitments I am truly doing what I enjoy doing opposed to doing things out of obligation. 

I just can’t get out of this funk. I seem to be sad all the time and really can’t think of a way out. I know the kids and J feels the tension. I feeling like I am hurting myself and everyone around me. I feel so broken and don’t know what to do about it.  I know I have so many things to be happy and thankful for and I am but I feel like I am in a deep hole that no matter what I do or try I just can not get to the top of. I really am trying though…  

Beth Hart – Learning To Live

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