is it a bird? A plane? nope its a teddy bear…

We had another Sono today. (no clip this time )
The baby looks more like a teddy bear with a big head and stubby are and leg buds. We are exactly nine weeks today. The infertility doctors have released me and wished us well so now the hunt for an OBGYN starts. I am feeling good not too sick just really tired. But we are oh so happy. We couldn’t hold out and told the kids who are both excited. MD is worried bless her heart. She says she feels guilty for loving this baby even though the other baby died. I talked with her about how it is ok to love both of them but how the other baby just wasn’t meant to be in our family. I think she is ok but I need to keep a close eye on that.

Eyes wide shut.

Well after two more blood tests today we went in to see the Sono and hopefully the heartbeat. The doctor wanted me to come in last week but I knew at six weeks we would not be able yet to see a heartbeat and my heart just could not take that. So I opted to wait until seven weeks and two days. One of my good friends Michelle went with me because I just couldn’t face it alone (kids at school and hubby at work). When they started the sono I started to cry, I just couldn’t take the stress any longer. Then Michelle said look at the screen I can see it. I just closed my eyes; I couldn’t bare seeing what I saw back in December. I couldn’t bare having it happen again and at that moment I knew…. If this isn’t successful I do not have the strength to try again. This realization made me cry harder and squeeze my eyes tighter. For a few more moments I needed to believe it was all ok. But then the nurse said “Look” please… “look at your baby”… I slowly opened my eyes, gathering all my will and looked. What I saw was the most amazing thing… a fast heart fluttering. This blurr not quite looking human but more of tadpolish but alive none the less. There is after so many tries our baby.

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