30 days :: 02


30 days :: 02

Originally uploaded by mommywindow.

30 days :: 01


It has been suggested by Very Mom that we all give a new project a go that Amanda Soule has started. The idea is grand and I will try. The idea Amanda has started is to document the right now in her family life by photographing the ordinary and simple little moments of their days. 

I warned Jessica and I will warn you, I am not a good photographer nor do I play one on TV.

Tag your photos with “30tinymoments” and then we can all enjoy them here.

These little feet belong to my now much better JM. He had my stomach in knots for a few days. On Monday we did in need go to the doctor who took blood and urine and sent us directly to the hospital. While the doctor decided I should have taken him to the emergency room on Saturday when I suspected he had a seizure, it probably wasn’t a seizure. Thank goodness!!! He did say if it happens again we will do an EEG and an MRI to be sure. What he did think happened and also why he sent us to the ER was his blood and urine showed he was severely dehydrated. Goes to show when ones BMs are water you need to drink a lot more then you think you do. I really thought JM was hydrated but I was wrong.  The good news is he is home now and no icky poops the entire day yesterday. I decided I will keep him out of school for at least one more day to be sure we are out of the woods. JM assures me we should spend this day at Disney to make sure he is better. But alas we will stay home and try not to infect the rest of the world.

 

This weekend only I’m serving crazy with a side of freaked out.

This weekend was very thought provoking, two big things happened to us. It started Thursday night around 4 am. MD who starting in October for the first time in her life has slept every night in her own “big girl princess” bed in her own “big girl princess” room has cried almost every night around 4am. She has been afraid to get out of her bed alone so using the restroom by herself has been out of the question. So she would cry out, we would go help her and re-tuck her into bed and everything was fine. Well on Friday night we were shocked to hear her sweet voice in our room (we are on the other side of the house) and she said “daddy please zip up my jammies so I can go back to bed”. That means not only did she not cry out for help, she got up, went to the restroom and then walked from her bathroom across the house in the dark to our room for zipper help. So if she had been wearing one of her many night dresses she would have been able to execute this task 100% alone…

Couple that with when asked when she grows up would she live close to mommy or far from mommy, without even a sideways glance she said “far” and I believer her.

All this after she told me she wanted big breasts like a grown up, filled with milk so she can have a baby… but she doesn’t want any daddy’s involved.

My baby is growing up and I fear while she is only three if I blink she will be a teenager and then a young women and then gone forever busy with her own life…It makes my heart ache.

Then Friday night after I was sad over the fact my babies are no longer babies JM decided to puke in his sleep… and had diarrhea all night and twice in the early morning. By around 11:00 on Saturday was acting totally normal and had even eaten a waffle.Then we were all outside (temp was around 70 degrees so comfortable) he just out of the blue started walking like a drunk person and I caught him before he fell. He whispered “momma I’m gonna be sick” Crazydad rushed him to the bathroom where JM was no longer answering our questions. He went totally limp with his eyes rolling back in his head. He did end up puking but only a tiny bit.Within about three minutes he was recovered 100%. He told me later when he started walking funny “the world was spinning” so he was dizzy.We debated taking him to the ER. He is five years old and not on any medications.

Now almost twenty four hours later, he is still a tiny bit lethargic with a bout of diarrhea this morning (Sunday) but no more vomiting and no more limp, eye rolling incidents. 

I think we have come to the conclusion he mostly had a mild seizure and it is just a coincidence that it has happened on the same weekend he seems to have a slight stomach bug. We came to this conclusion because the dizzy, eye rolling, non responsiveness came on so quick and then just as quick completely gone.  He was not dehydrated nor was his  blood sugar too low as he had taken in a lot of clear liquid and had eaten waffles and then an apple through out the morning. One big thing is my first cousin has seizures with his epilepsy, so it is in my family. 

Although we did opt to not go to the ER this weekend if that had happened again we would have. I am calling the doctor first thing Monday morning to see if he wants me to bring him in. It was the single scariest moment as a mother I have ever experienced. 

 But it did make me realize that even though at times these kids seem to be growing up at an out of control speed, they still need me at least for now.    

When it rains, it pours.

Not last night but the night before it rained. Not just a rain shower either, it rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock! It hailed and the wind blew all night and into the morning. That kind of weather makes for some great sleep. What I enjoy more about nights like that is when the morning is still all wet and dreary and then in the afternoon the sun peaks out and everything glistens. But the smells, ahh the smell. I remember when we first moved out west, on the few and far between times when it would rain I would run outside and just inhale. Nothing smells like fresh rain, except the city I lived in was mostly made up of concrete, not quite the same smell. One of the perks of moving back home to the South.

 

So yesterday morning I get the boy off to school and everything looks so slick and clean. The lake is completely full, the ducks are happy. The plants are all standing up straight.

 I just love the rain and all it brings. I suppose that’s what makes me a southern girl.    

Get off your butt and smile at someone today!

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere” ~Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

 It is funny to me sometimes how we (American citizens) walk around with blinders of sorts on everyday. Most of us take for granted what so many people before us did to insure the freedoms that a lot of people feel are our God given right.  How many people have given their lives and there are still many people currently risking life and limb so I have the “right” to type out my feelings on my blog right now.

 I am so conflicted about our war we have going on. I hate it really. But I do not hate the selflessness that so many men and women who act first without question to ensure my children are safe. What makes me so sad are those people’s families. So many girls on the message board I frequently are spouses of a service man. The amount of time our government asks these service people to give up with their families is almost unbearable. All the first that will be missed; sometimes even from the start of life to steps, words, teeth falling out, science projects, graduation, weddings the list goes on and on. It is just heart breaking, just heart breaking. 

 When I read about people here breaking the law, robbing, murdering and raping one another it makes me sick. Have we not learned anything? Why must brother fight with brother, neighbor fight with neighbor? 

 Even when it is just our words, words can be razor sharp. My family is a regular at the Walt Disney theme park and so often families can be seen bickering. Parent yelling at their child because of a pose in a picture, spouses looking at one another in the most sour frame of mind all this while at the happiest place on earth.  I know I am not perfect and I most definitely have my sour moments but a smile is so easy to give, praise is free and an open heart is priceless.  

The red pill? Or do I want the blue?

I sometimes feel like I am living another life, one I didn’t start out to live. A life I always wanted. While I love my life, my husband, my children my mind is almost never still. That is the problem living in a place where I grew up.

 Living far away from here I could be the mother, the wife, the friend I wanted to be at that moment. Being here I go places or see things that bring little snippets of a former life. Not a happier life just a different life. Mostly a child’s life, an angst teenager’s life, woman who is not yet a woman’s life.  

It is almost like when I remember myself in a certain situation or replay a time in my life it brings those feelings to the surface. Being far away, I never had to think about that girl, her life, her problems or even her highs.   I don’t necessarily miss that life, I think that may be the problem I don’t know why it makes me sad or tear up. And even if I did miss it I am a different person. That is the tricky thing about life and time you can never go into the past no matter what the reason is. 

I think it may scare me a little to think about the path I have chosen and what would be if I had chosen differently. It makes me hold my family a little tighter each night.  I guess I don’t think about it a lot but I guess it is true. I make choices everyday that affect my future. And I don’t know what the hell I am doing, I never have.

Evanescence My Immortal Live

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

[CHORUS:]
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along

[Chorus]

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