Christmas Rambling

I know the dust bunnies have collected around here again. We had a very magical Disney trip (as if there would be any question!) My sister and I even got along better then normal. Maybe because this is the first trip we’ve taken together since I start my new medication and yes Mr. Cruise that is in addition to my exercising.

The kids even got to waltz with Cinderella and Prince Charming at the Ball!!


Christmas went well too. We went to my in laws home Christmas Eve and the children were well behaved. I had a nice time and everyone was pleasant. I do wish there was less of a tense vibe there. I don’t know how to accomplish that. I don’t know if that will ever happen and I’m not sure why. We came home and placed cookies and the Santa key out!

Anyway the next morning the children even slept until 8am and we opened their gifts and I cooked a very large breakfast and the morning flew by! We had to be at my grandmother’s house by 1pm. That was also a nice time but do to family issues there is a bit of under the surface tension there as well (thankfully having nothing to do with me or my husband or my kids). Plus on top of that I also worry about my grandparent’s heath every time I see them and now I find myself contemplating death and the finality of it more often. That happened recently when I was making my mother’s and sister’s Christmas gift. I made them shadow boxes with quilting squares and photos of my deceased grandmother. She passed away almost eighteen years ago. I still mourn her often and sometimes find I can hardly believe I will never see her again. That she will never know my children and they her. What also bring me to tears is I have forgotten what her voice and more importantly her laugh sounded like. I can understand why so many need religion, why so many need to believe in the afterlife.  I miss her even more during the holidays.


Anyway my mother and sister liked their gifts and the time at their home was good. The extended family there was very warm. The family there other then my sister and mother was my mother’s soon to be husband’s family. I still felt at ease. Maybe because there was less expectation? Maybe because I felt needed by my soon to be step brother (he has two baby’s under two years and the mother has walked out on them). I don’t know but it was nice. 


I hope everyone had a happy, warm and fulfilling Holiday.





Goodbye for now


The DVR is set and the house is clean. Dad has his to do list and the van is gassed up! The kids, my mom and my sister and I are all off for another Disney Holiday! I’ve never been at Christmas time and am very excited to go. I’ll be back Wednesday hopefully with stories of short lines and magical experiences to share.


On another note I went to the doctor yesterday and I am still losing weight and she said that over the past four months she can tell by my vitals alone I have been exercising. My resting heart rate is currently a 62 and the month before it was 78 and the one before it was 86 so that is a sign of a stronger healthier heart. And my blood pressure is right where it should be. Hopefully I can keep the food under control at Disney.


Have a good week and a Happy Holiday!  

Wordless Wednesday

The evil Facebook

I’ve recently joined Facebook. This site is like an addiction of sorts. I joined because some girls from my book club got me to do it but then I started getting friend request after friend request from people from my past. Mostly the requests are from people from high school. I have accepted their requests and everyone is chattering away with everyone. I sit back and I read wondering what the hell I am doing? I hated high school. I mean I didn’t have one of those experiences where you wonder how the kid made it. I was fine academically. I was a cheerleader and enjoyed the perks that brought socially. I remember the clicks, oh the clicks. There was this social order of the school. And while I was is the “cool” click because I was a cheerleader I was at the bottom of my click so I had a few of my own problems really until my senior year when my friends and I were at the top of our food chain by default but by then I was so uninterested in actually being at school I didn’t care. I was still friends with my friends but I remember being almost a ghost, being there but not. Most days interacting with others only when I had to. I had a game I would play, to see if I could go an entire day without speaking. I would ditch whenever possible even if it was to be alone. My very best friends weren’t at school anymore. One was older then me and had graduated and the other had switched schools for her senior year. I felt very alone. Recently I was talking to a girl on Facebook who was a sophomore when I was a senior and she was saying how my aloofness and my sporadic attendance made me more interesting. Whatever that means. And that attitude in me really is what lead me into the dark Gothic lifestyle I had up until the day I met my husband.     


As a senior I was unhappy for different reasons. Maybe because my boyfriend I had been dating my junior year had left for collage. He had graduated a year before me and then I found out mid year he was cheating on me. Then by the end of my senior year the new boy I was dating (and had been dating off and on in between other boyfriends throughout school since we were in grade school) left for the military and broke it off for good. That was a really hard blow and still at times I wonder what would have happened had he made a different choice. 


Within my own click as a sophomore and junior I was not a happy person I remember always trying to stay a step ahead. Trying to make everyone happy whatever the cost to myself. Looking back I feel so bad for my teenage self and when I see some of the people I was trying so hard to please on Facebook it actually makes me sick. I still look and watch but I don’t know why. I wonder if they know how they impacted my life? 


Then I look at some of the people that I myself wasn’t that nice to in high school. People I know at the time were just trying to please me and I would dismiss them. And they request to be my Facebook friend. I wonder why? Do they look at me with the same contempt I look at the people I was trying to please? There is this one guy who in school I wouldn’t give the time of day to who after requesting my friendship on Facebook started IMing me. He is very nice and is a firefighter and has a lovely family. He told me jokingly (I’m not sure why) that in school for two years he had a crush on me and would follow me around and I barely spoke to him even though we had two classes together. OMH I felt so bad. I said I was sorry but he joked how that was almost twenty years ago. I wonder if that is what he wanted/needed to hear from me or is it true he just brought it up to be funny? 


I wonder if some of my weight issues have to do with some of my high school years? I know ever since I joined Facebook I have been struggling with food. I have been saying for weeks I should just delete the damn account but I don’t. I don’t know but I feel a little bit better getting all that out of my head.        

With nothing special to say…..

I know I have been away for longer then I wanted. I’ve just haven’t had much to say lately. I have really been working on not over scheduling myself, not over committing and not doing more then I really want to do. One would think this would leave all this “free” time but it hasn’t really but it has created a lot of quiet down time where I am able to read and spend time with my kids and get some Christmas projects done. I still want to make a stock pile of scrapbook layouts to list but that is still in the works. And while I haven’t noted yet on my review page I have been just devouring The Black Dagger book series. I’m mid way through the third one in about two weeks. (I think there are eight in the series)


My food seems to be under some sort of reasonable control. I still need it to be a lower calorie count but I am not out of control. The exercising has been sporadic at best but I haven’t quit. I suppose my weight is maintaining but I have a doctors appointment in nine days and I wanted to be down another 8 pounds so I don’t think that’s going to happen but you never know. Ok off to drink a slim fast.    

Wordless Wednesday

Many random things

This girl of mine grows more and more like me everyday. At least with her eating habits and that is NOT a good thing. To say her and I are picky eaters would be a severe understatement. Here we have Vanilla Wafers, Carrots, grapes and shredded cheese. (Not sliced cheese oh no that’s “yucky”).


I guess I should be thankful… at least she eats at the table and not as a roamer. 


On a side note, I have been working my ass off on a few huge projects. One is getting my Christmas cards labeled, stamped and mailed. I am almost done with that. The second is a few homemade gifts and ornaments… those are in varies states of completion but hopefully I will pull that together. The third is I have started scrap booking again. I have printed 11 months of pictures but I have not really been inspired to do my own pictures so I am currently making double 12×12 layouts and I am considering putting them up for sale in my (currently empty) Etsy store. All one would need to add is their pictures. Think they would sell? 


Plus I have been reading like a crazy person!! I started a new book series called the Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward. And yes it is about Vampires. 


Last on my list of “need to do ASAP” is I with others in my community have been working diligently to remove a Sex Offender from our community. And he is not just a I was 18 yrs old and you were 17 yrs old kind of guy. He is a real sick puppy!! Sure he did his time and “paid” society for his crimes but not in my mind. This guy is a piece of shit to me and I will continue to do all I can to get him far far away from my children. Plus he lives within 1000 feet of a park and 1500 feet from a school bus stop!! The state didn’t even know the park was there. I am meeting with his probation officer later today.. so send me be strong vibes.  


Ok I guest that is all for now.

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