Wow I wasn’t expecting an epiphany this evening….

I just heard someone say something that just hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me so hard for some reason. I’m not even sure I’ve never heard this before but for some reason I was actually listening this time. I hope this time it will actually linger in my mind, haunt me in my sleep and follow me throughout my many daydreams. Move me not to tears but force me into action.

I will paraphrase but it was something like this:

“I continue my bad life patterns not because it feels good, but because it is what I know. It is what is familiar. It feels bad inside but it is what I have always lived and so I continue to live it.”

This is exactly what it feels like to me when I overeat, over commit, allow my husband to be emotionally unavailable to me and allow my kids to walk all over me.

Maybe when I finally achieve understanding the above, understanding just because it is familiar does not mean I must accept or allow this to happen to me. Then and only then can I fully grow and change and evolve into the person, into the woman I know is inside of me screaming to be released.

I love a good Party!!

I love planning my kiddos parties as you know,know , know and heck know some more… and maybe one day I will post about the Mickey/Minnie party, The Cowboy party and the Football/cheerleader party I had for them but never blogged about. I am already starting on the plans for this year’s Unicorns, Rainbows and Dragons oh my! party. I am very excited. I love the planning to make everything just perfect. From the giveaways to the crafts to the most perfect cake… I love it all. I stress about it all but I love it. It makes me feel like a great mother… even if I have to plop them down in front of the TV during most of the planning. LOL

I do often look around in cyberspace for cool ideas and a lot of the time I find myself at Kara’s Party Ideas, She is having an awesome give away now go check it out

Maybe just maybe one day I can sport a karascupcakes on my blog!

Happy Valentines Day

My Valentine for the past 15 years ❤ I love you honey!

housework totally counts as exercise!

Another great day. We had a very early photo shoot with the kiddos and they did awesome! It was in the forty’s and the photographer had MD in summer clothes and JM in jeans and a tee and neither one of them complained one bit. I was so proud! They enjoyed a nice hot chocolate after (MD called it her Latte LOL). As we were leaving JM saw this sign and thought it was so hilarious!! He howled at the depiction as if the sign people wanted nothing left to chance. LOL

 

I have a meeting tomorrow for my mom’s group and at the last minute the girl that was going to host called me and asked if I could instead. I said yes but my mind was screaming NO NO NO!!! The house was a wreck. But the good thing is now four hours later it is totally clean. Not only is it clean I had hubby take some boxes to the attic along with a few other things that needed to go out were removed so I am feeling very good about this cleaning job today. I also completely went through my whole kitchen and got rid of some things we no longer need and put other things away in cupboards. The counter tops have never looked so nice. Then because this week is Scouting for Food (a week long where the Boy Scouts collect food for the needy) I cleaned out our food cupboard and came up with two whole bags to give away. Stuff I no longer need to eat like unopened bags of snacks and chips, mac and cheese boxes, candy bars etc. I know I shouldn’t pass out my junk food but I hate to waste it and the needy needs a treat now and then right?

So I am tired now and did not get to the gym today. I am debating a workout DVD but I think I will just count the housework as exercise and call it a day.

What’s for lunch?

Ok still going strong with my exercising and diet. I really hate calling it a diet and I refuse to say “lifestyle change” I don’t know why but both terms just annoy me. But whatever, both are on track. Yesterday I didn’t have time to go to the gym and I did a DVD at home. I almost said to hell with it but I changed my mind at 8pm. Indifference is one of the main reasons I am the way I am so I am trying to reverse that. I’m a little bit nervous about this evening; we are going to a surprise birthday party for one of my friends. I know there will be “party” type food. All the stuff I love, chips, pretzels, sweets, carbs, carbs and more carbs… I vow I will not eat any of it. I am going to eat before I leave (4 oz of skinless chicken) and I will have a mini meatloaf (4 oz lean ground beef) waiting for me when we return. So I know I will not be hungry, it will totally be mental.

This month that I have been on this drastic diet I have realized another thing about myself… so much of what I do is focused around food. It’s really sad. Last night for example, MD and her dad went to a Me and My Guy dance for the Girl Scouts so JM and I were home alone. Normally I would have let him play the Wii for the whole three hours while I would have sat like a vegetable in front of the TV eating. Instead I did an exercise DVD. He joined in off and on but he was completely entertained and telling me how good I was doing. Then we spent the next hour and a half playing chess, Monopoly Junior, Uno and talking about the solar system.

Then today instead of going out to eat for brunch we packed a light picnic and went to the river and had a class on shells and fossils and then walked the boardwalk. Wonderful family time. I feel like we are making changes I hope we can continue them. I want to continue with this way of eating long term and when I lose the amount of weight I want then I can add a splurge day once a week. There is so much more to this wonderful life then what’s for lunch.

A tid bit or two

So I’m still going strong on my eating and exercising. Yeah me. So yesterday I’m at the gym and I walked a mile and biked a mile then off to kickboxing class. Now I’m no little girl plus I’m a face sweater you do the math at what I looked like after all that. Needless to say my face was a bit red if you will. But I completed the whole class (at least 5 girls left). I’ve taken this class many times before and I am normally one of the largest girls in the room, so nothing new.

As a fat girl I would like to give all others out there a few words of wisdom if you ever find yourself in an exercise class with a bigger girl.

  1. Never ask her if she is ok. Unless she is asking for help or passed out yes she is ok. She may be frowning, sweating more then everyone and most likely panting but if she is upright she is ok.
  2. Never tell her she’s doing a great job, keep it up or this will get easier. Hello she is not 5 years old…. not only does she not need your approval or encouragement she just spent an hour behind your skinny ass proving one day it will pay off. Until that day you just annoy her.
  3. Unless asked do not offer eating tips. She knows how she got the way she is and how to fix it.

 

The above are just a few guidelines to think about but if you have a comment or questions or advice in mind that you are unsure of or even one you are sure of, it is best to just shut the fuck up. Us bigger girls really just don’t want to talk about it. We are just happy the work out is over and we can go have a shower.

Don’t Panic here I am….

So it’s been forever! I have written some really great, deep, witty and down right hilarious blog entries… but unfortunately they never made it from my brain to the keyboard. I’m not sure why. I suppose I have a ton of excuses. Ok ready here goes… first in the beginning of December I was all blogged out from posting everyday in November. I normally take about a two week sometimes a month off posting after that. Then at the end of December my computer started giving me tons of trouble. I found I was running on very little memory space left and my hard drive was about six years old. So I delayed on the choice between purchasing more memory bringing me from 1g to 2gs (my entire old computer would hold is a total of 2gs). So I decided to go with a whole new computer. My brother in law so sweetly and cheaply offered to build for me. 4gs!!! So I should not be able to bog this one down for a very long time. Then the past two or three weeks I have been feeling overwhelmed by the amount of not posting I have been not doing LOL. So I have been putting it off. So there you have it! So what has the crazy family been doing?

 

Christmas is always an ordeal with my family but we made it. My aunt took over my dad’s side which I always find extremely annoying but I am trying to just put things like that out of my mind. So my family of four went. We ate at the children’s table alone, kissed the grandparents and great grandparent and went on to my mom’s house. My dad (they are divorced) actually came there as well so it was very nice and lots less stress and hassle. Thankfully my in laws like to do Christmas on Christmas Eve. All in all I wish it was less about the gifts and who’s determined to host on their terms and more about having a nice time with one another.

 

New Years…. Well as you may remember we had all those blizzards and snow storms right around this time. A friend of mine said to check out all the Disney world message board sites and blogs. So many were reporting that tons and tons of people had to cancel their Disney trip due to weather. Well I thought I would call the day before and see what type of rooms were available and that would tell me just how true this all was. Well low and behold I called and got a room at Disney’s Caribbean Hotel, a pirate room to boot. Those newly remodeled rooms are extremely hard to get and normally book about 5 to 6 months ahead. The Disney operator confirmed she had been getting a lot of cancellations due to the extreme weather the past day or two. So we booked it thinking we were so smart. Well….. Every other Floridian must have had the same idea because not only was it crowded the park was on a entry level 3 all day. Level 1 means open to everyone, 2 open to hotel guests, pass holders and people who have a meal reservation, 3 open only hotel guests, level 4 the park is close to everyone. So that plan sucked and to top it off after we did get in it was so crowded the kids at 11:08pm decided they had enough and wanted to return to the hotel. We were back just in time to watch the ball drop and all asleep by 12:15am.

 

I love how excited MD looks in each photo!! LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The beginning of February has found me more motivated to stay on my meal plan and exercise then I have been in over a year. I have lost 12 pounds and while I still find doing the right thing a daily struggle I continue to do it. I know I am a work in progress but the longer I go the better.

 

I have been working on purging items I do not need. Every since I can remember I have held a yard sale every six months or so. I have plastic bins I fill as the children or I decided we no longer need an item. All to save for the next yard sale. Well I had my very last yard sale a few months ago. I decided the “stuff” is just taking up too much space both mental and physically. I emailed all my local friends and said Good Will is coming in a few days come look through these bins and take what you want for free. About half was gone by the time goodwill loaded up. It was a mentally hard thing to do. But I know it was right. I have successfully kept those bins empty. I now take items to consignment and if that isn’t an option they are given away. No more “saving” things. I am very proud of myself for these steps. I look continually around my home at what I can live without and try to get rid of it.

 

The next thing I am working on is no credit card use at all. Here in the crazy home we like to run up a small debt then pay it off and have done that cycle for many years. While it has worked for us we have never been able to save any real amount of money for the future. Other the children’s college funds and a small “if crazydad lost his job” account we don’t have a pot to piss in so that will change. So for the past month when I hit the consignment stores, Michaels, JoAnn’s a new theme plays in my head:” Do we really need this?” What I have come up with is I shop way too much. The answer is almost always no. So that is a new realization I have had this month. I have also found that using what I have is awesome. I have always prided myself on being a pack rat of sorts with the mantra “you never know when you might need it”. What I found in my purging is keeping too much means you really don’t know what you have. So by getting rid of a lot I now know exactly what I have and where. For example who need an entire box of clean glass jars? I kept a few and donated the rest. Just Friday I needed a plastic bin drawer thingy for the office and I was about to go to Wal-Mart to buy one when I decided to clean out my bathroom closet (where just so happens I had a drawer thingy) and reorganized, tossed expired items and bam I had my empty container for the office for free and a clean bathroom closet.  

 

So that is what I have been up to for the past two and a half months. Hopefully I will be a better blogger but no promises.

A Place For Everything

removing the clutter...forever