Ok so let me explain the new tag: “Chronicles of the first time mother of three” I sort of felt this way through out my pregnancy but oh my how I really felt it during labor and delivery and with each passing moment with my newborn NP I am feeling it more and more. This feeling of “what am I doing
?” not why did I decide to have another baby but more of a feeling why can’t I remember how to do this…. Even though I have done this not once (JM 11yrs) but twice (MD 9yrs) its as if I have never done this whole “mothering “ thing before.
I use to think when people would say “oh you forget” about the details of labor either were lying about their labor experience or just dumb. I remember both my older children’s births why can’t they?
What I have realized is there are levels of remembering. Level one complete denial and embellishment. Level two remembering enough to tell your birth story and Level three as to say yep it happened and “it really wasn’t that bad”
I think most moms fall into the level two, we think we remember. We think we are telling our birth story and we are… but we have forgotten so many actual details. The main detail I am speaking about is the pain!
With my first baby 11 years ago in my current memory It was the most perfect experience. No drugs, water broke naturally, three pushes and he was out. The birds were singing sun was shining. Pain level was mild but nothing too bad.
With my second baby I decided to get the epidural, leading to in my mind ineffective pushing leading to her getting stuck on the way out resulting in an a broken clavicle bone.
pain was zero but the experience was stressful and scary.
I wanted to get this the third baby experience down as soon as possible as I am sure the forgetting fairy takes a little bit with every nap and rest I sneak in until I will be saying “oh it really wasn’t that bad” to a pregnant friend.