TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.

Number 10.

You’re guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

Number 9.

Once you’ve done it, you don’t have to wait an hour to do it again.

Number 8.

The uglier you look, the more likely you’ll get some.

Number 7.

You don’t have to make small talk with the person who gave you the treat.

Number 6.

The person giving it to you isn’t fantasizing that you are someone else.
Number 5.

If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last f or 9 months.

Number 4.

If you wear a mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.

Number 3.

It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

Number 2.

The next day you don’t have to call the person that gave it to you.

And the .Number 1 reason trick-or- treating is better than sex…..
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If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!!

Happy Trick or Treating everyone!

ummmm hello?


 
 

Well I’ve had a few emails requests for some before and after pictures of the new house. I fully intend on posting and writing about some after as soon as there is an “after” to report. I currently have some pictures of before and in the middle (in the middle of unpacking hell that is) for everyone’s viewing pleasure.

Who knew how much crap one family could have. I suppose as it was pointed out to me today that if I had have more then 3 weeks notice of this cross country move I may have had a chance to purge some of the crap before the move but that was not the case. In addition to unpacking half burnt candles and expired coupons I have found that the hired movers really wanted us to have ALL of our belongings. I have found garbage in the packed garbage bins and opps some dirty laundry in a hamper.

I also believe my family single handily wiped out a totally forest in the amount of packing paper the movers used. The good thing is one of my new neighbors came over last night and informed me she was moving this weekend and asked if she could have our packing paper and boxes. So she took what I have already unpacked (about half) of our household. My sister asked me to keep a few supplies for her so I am feeling good about the supplies being reused.

In any case I need to go to bed but wanted to supply a quick progress report just so no one got scared and called a missing person report on crazymom.

Those before and hopefully after pictures to come very soon and a preschool and sleeping arrangement update also not far behind… I need to get those posts written because my head hurts, this brain of mine is full I tell you F.U.L.L.

Anyone seen my……… mind?

Well so much for checking in once a day! Not only is moving the pits with our storage units set to arrive this Friday, we’ve had a few medical scares. Everyone is ok but it has been quite the week for everyone so once a day is just been to hard for me. I promise once things gets settled I’ll update more because really there are so many things flying around in my mind these days that I need to get OUT. But moving is the driving force and around here the squeaky wheel gets the oil (just ask the girl). All the craziness that has been leading up to this move has been almost overwhelming. I have somehow misplaced the children’s shot records…. I know shocking that *I* could lose anything but it is true. I have searched and searched but they are nowhere to be found. Fortunately our old pediatrician is in the process of faxing the kids’ records but I can only imagine the looks I will get at all our future appointments or anytime shot records are needed, the look of what kind of mother loses shot records????

I’ll tell you what kind…. One that has been living in transient for six months, one that is borderline OCD and this kind of living with piles here and stacks there and NOTHING in a permanent place is killing her. I normally can handle piles and stacks but those are in permanent places those stacks and piles and this is just kind of… I don’t know what to do with you nor do I have any room so you go…uuummm… here. Really there is a difference… at least to me. I can not wait to get in the new house and everything gets organized back into permanent spots! Then I’ll only lose the unimportant things like gift cards, keys and my mind.

  We’ve been working like crazy to get the house just the way we want. I have made many calls and made many appointments; Change of address, change our drivers license, carpet cleaners, movers, appliance installers, tile installers and as soon as my slow as fuck lovely HOA calls me with “permission” we will be installing a screened in porch and privacy fence. Speaking of one other thing we had to do was have pest control come out. We have these super neato things called pest tubes. When the house was built they had these tubes ran all though out the inside of the walls and on the outside of either side of the house are “ports” and the bug guy just comes injects the tube ports and bam no more bugs and my family isn’t in direct contact of poison. Neat huh? I thought so….  We also installed ceil fans and light fixtures and painted the kids rooms. I came up with a cute idea for the girl’s room. Out of the extra 2” wood blind slats I made a white picket fence on one of her bedroom walls. I must say her room is turning out more then cute! If my camera wasn’t at the other house I would post before and afters now but they are coming but be prepared for totally girly cuteness! I hope to one day grow up and be only half as creative as Very mom, hey a girl can dream! I am totally stealing her wall letters with scrapbook paper idea, I so hope she won’t be very upset with me. The boy’s room was painted green not very exciting but it is just how he wants it so everyone is happy. Ok off to call all our magazine subscriptions….    

What’d you do for the last time today?

Our new house is in the same city but in a different township as the one I grew up in. It’s almost out in the country. Moving back here six months ago I had forgotten what a college town this is and being in my new community where my new house is really points that fact out. It was a great place to be when I was in the stage of life but now I find it almost annoying. All the young single people running around, driving to fast, taking up all the meaningless part time jobs and just being loud like only college kids can be.

Ever wonder what you would do differently if you knew you were doing something for the last time? Like I might have hit that extra house the last time I ever was an acceptable age to be out trick or treating or I might have sat back and taken everything in more instead of ripping to the point the last Christmas morning with my mom, dad and sister before we all grew up and into new family patterns. I might have drank just a little more had I known when I was attending the last party as a young carefree single person. Or breathed just a little bit deeper the last time I kissed a handsome guy who was a perfect stranger with no strings attached or in exchange for the trash to be taken out. Maybe I would have danced just a little while longer had I known it would be the last time I would be in a nightclub. I would have smiled to myself a little bit wider had I known it would be the last time I could wear a bikini in public and not have mother’s shield their children’s eyes. And I most certainly would have come up with a better conversation topic then how long salami can last after purchase had I know it would be the last conversation I would be having with my grandmother.

 I am taking everything in with this new house repairing because I am hoping this will be the last time in a very long time we are doing this. Maybe the next time we will be wealthy and we can have everything done for us but for now, that is not the case and it is taking its toll on the whole family. I know it will be behind us soon enough and we then will be ready to experience some other thing for the unwitting last time.

Hello Stranger…

We are crazy closing on the house today. Then fixing it up, painting etc and then the most fun moving!!!

 So I will try to pop my head in every day but….. wish me luck!

Who are you? I am a well meaning SAHM of two, neurotic, compulsive overeater often talks on cell phone in traffic approach with caution.

The other I was driving along and realized a police office’s car was behind mine. I wasn’t spending or breaking any traffic laws but for some reason when a cop car is behind mine I always tense up. I place my hands at the ten and two position and check my speed and shhh the children. A traffic ticket is never a welcome addition to our monthly bills. Then as I drove on my mind started to wonder, do you think a cop runs the tag of everyone he follows? I think maybe out of being nosey I would. Then I got to thinking wouldn’t it be funny if there was some sort of quick bio when he ran the tag. Like mine would say well meaning SAHM of two, neurotic, compulsive overeater often talks on cell phone in traffic approach with caution.

 

As the cop past me I smiled and began running my own tags in my mind. I followed a crazy love sick collage student who is a part time activist. An overweight work a holic who eats most meals in his car and a road ragged teenager who acts as though he is never wrong.

 

I guess this is just a form of profiling and stereotyping but one has to wonder where these stereotypes come from. My guess is they start out as some sort of truth. I may not like all the stereotypes that comes along with being a SAHM but a lot of them are pretty close to the truth. I may not feast on bon-bons and watch TV all day; I do a lot of stuff in that nature I couldn’t otherwise do if I was working a normal 9-5 job. My job is a lot harder then some would like to admit but none the less it comes with a lot of perks only the SAHM can enjoy.

 So I am just rambling now but all this to say I was followed by a cop who wasn’t really following me and then he past me and I thought it was funny that my palms went all sweaty and heart skipped a few beats.   

Sometimes in life all I can say is I need More Cowbell

A Place For Everything

removing the clutter...forever