Here we are again…..

Here we are September 11th. I wonder if I will ever be able to face this day without tears streaming down my face. In some aspects it seems like a lifetime ago when the world stopped to watch the news for days on end. I can hardly believe it has been 12 years… longer then my children have been alive. Others times it seems so fresh.

It was so hard to face letting my children go to school today and being away I just couldn’t so they are here, safe in our home, together. I understand why almost every child in my classroom that day got picked up by their parent. The need to know exactly where their child was that day was more then most could handle and the fear of what was possibly to come was overwhelming for all.

It seems that crime in my state is going up currently. I’m not sure if it is due to the bad economy why it seems more people who would not have turned to crime before are now leading that life. Whatever the case is it seems like that desperate feel. The desperate wild feel I felt on September 11th. The unpredictable feeling of you never know what a person will do or can do. On September 11th the United States was not ready for the attack. We were not prepared for someone to come into our “home” and hurt us as a whole but they did. This day reminds me of that, I will never know when a finically desperate, religiously motivated or just stupid kid will do or try to do something to my family but will be ready.

I know that sounds ominous and really I try to be optimistic but it is so hard to not be suspicious when so many are cunning and possibly have evil in their heart. On the other side how can I live that way and teach my children that? I want them to know there are good people in the world. It is just so hard. And we only get the one time to get it right. Plus I want my children to grow up to be two of the many people who are and does good.

I find it strange that no one under the age of say 17 years old really doesn’t have a first hand memory of that day. I wonder if those kindergarteners I was with on that September 11th remember? I wonder as the years go on will they feel what the older generations feel? Maybe it’s a good thing if they don’t feel that sense of untrusting. They will never know what it is like to not have a full body scan at the airport. They will never like I did go to just watch the planes take off because they don’t have a ticket to get through security. They will not remember a time before Homeland Security wasn’t a common term.

My heart hurts. I remember on September 11th I was in a classroom at Clark Elementary. Mrs. E. was on break and I was alone with all 31 tiny kindergarten faces staring at me waiting to finish the morning circle time when Mrs. D. whispered in my ear : “smile at the children but the World Trade Centers have fallen and America is under attack the school in going into lock down.” As she left my room and the children started to fidget and talk I just sat there. I have never been to New York so the actual gravity of the situation I did not grasp at that moment. Then the flood of parent panic…. I ended that day with four children…. all the other had been released to their parents. I couldn’t understand why… I had also been in a classroom (preschool) when the Oklahoma City bombing accrued. I remember the sadness but it was just something sad that happened. This was different.

I can’t imagine being on one of those planes. The realization they were not in control and were going to die no matter what. I don’t understand these terrorist. How do you take people’s lives away from them? On September 11, 2001 2973 American’s lost their lives. People just like you and me …normal
people. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, pregnant women normal people.

The terrorist did something else that day, they took away my security. They took away some of my innocence and they took away my belief that people, all people at their core are good. I once thought that deep down any given person would do the right thing and I was wrong.

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