We made it…

Well everyone had a good day. I even smiled despite myself.

xmas morninghoney

The kids asked for more pricey gifts this year so there were fewer then we’ve had in the past but they loved what they got. I wish we would scale back every year not just when the price tag goes up on items.

But that’s part of why I hate Christmas…. everyone including my kids have their hand out. But again we had a nice day. The family all gathered and we shared nice conversation, good food and the day went smooth.

I did happen though after 13 days pass a rather large (the size of my palm) blood clot that had about what looked to be a stem about two inches long. I can only guess it was part of the umbilical cord possibly? I didn’t think there was anything left and certainly nothing like that. It was very dense and the stem seemed very thick. I am very mixed about it. Why today? I have seemed to almost stopped bleeding after that passed and I also got some blood work results yesterday. They tested my HCG levels on  December 10th and my HCG level was at 40,000 (this hormone is what they measure to detect pregnancy). I was tested again for the same HCG level on Friday December 21 (9 days post mc) and my HCG level has dropped to 120. This is good news as I need to be at a zero in order for my body to “reset” and get to get back on a normal cycle again. This needs to happen to start trying again.

Its strange, I feel it a bit stress relieving to talk and write about this and talk about the baby to others. Not to have anyone feel sorry for me but to just to talk about it. While at least two other women I know that have reached out to me in my time of need, telling me about their experiences both occurring this year neither one talked to very many people about their loss that I know of. Both shared with me (thankfully) to comfort me in my process. I think it is interesting how different people grieve differently. I still am having “good” days and “bad ” ones. I can only hope this gets easier in time.

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