My Grandmother died in 1990, I was 15 years old. I was thinking of her today while I was watching American Idol. (yes I watch American Idol and yes I thought of her during this show). I wondered who she would have voted for, who would have struck her fancy. It’s funny actually, here is a woman I knew less then half my life (even less if you consider a human really has very few memories from infancy until around four years old). I knew her a shorter period of time then my spouse and yet when I think about her loss I can still get weak in the knees or laugh hysterically at what I *think* she would find funny.
I wonder what she would say about JM’s corks or MD’s sassy mouth. What she would say about my diet struggles or the fact of how much I worry and make almost everything a level 10 situation.
I wonder though how much is it a true longing to speak to her about grown up things or just has her image just faded in time for me. How much have I distorted her being in my mind due to time passing? Made her to be this perfect, always caring, always happy and smiling person? I wish I knew. It almost seems impossible to mourn a person this long. Not that I am a puddle of tears. I just miss her and wish she were here, I wish my kids could meet her. I wish I could ask her things.