The boy… more information

First let me say thank you for all the wonderful input. I have gotten some sweet emails. I finally feel like someone understands me, my son and what we and more importantly what he is going through. So thank you and keep your thoughts coming. Also let me say we have had issues socially for the past two years what brought this to a head at school now is JM taking it to the next level. And I feel somewhat guilty for my part I have in it. What I mean by this is when these boys in the past have picked on him his reaction is what they have loved. JM goes from zero to ten in moments and his ten in the past was to cry and get hysterical. My advice to him has been a few things because I don’t want him labeled as a crybaby or a tattle tale (I have made it clear he is to always tell if anyone threaten to or actually touches him) but we have talked about different things he can do when the boys are doing something he doesn’t like other then to cry or to tell. This has been to squeeze a ball in his pocket, walk away, change the subject and other things. We have tried having him bring card games he is good at to recess to have the boys join in with him. etc. to help take the focus off JM’s awkwardness.

What sets JM off can be anything from the boys not following the rules exactly as the rule book states, not building a Lego machine how he thinks it should be built, not executing a science experience the ways he wants etc. He has a huge problem working in a small group at science time when experiments are being done. I try to explain when he is working alone he is in total control on how a project is run but in a group setting everyone deserves the right to offer input and test theories even if that means JM has to know in his own mind that theory will fail. This is a concept he almost is incapable of grasping but in a school setting unavoidable.

So what has changed recently is he has transitioned from dealing with the boys and situations from crying to anger. In the group setting the teacher is at least there to help facilitate the situation but at recess or other transition times like lunch he is on his own.

so a few questions that have been asked:

*What are the other children doing to target your son, and is there a pattern to it? What the boys do directly or at least most recently is they “rank” one another military style. So guess who is always the grunt solider? And all the other ranks have the “right” to boss him around. The teacher tells him not to play if it is not the game he likes but according to my son all the other boys at recess are playing kickball or football which neither work for my kid. And he doesn’t want to play with the girls. And he doesn’t want to be alone

*Are the threats your son is making general or specific? The threats he made that got him in trouble were “if you don’t stop ranking me I’m going to stab you in the heart”. *Are the threats in response to or defending himself from others? I think they were a react to being completely frustrated as to how to get them to play with him instead of having him as their “grunt”. *What symptoms are the medications for: focusing, anxiety, etc? The first medication is suppose to be for being impulsive. Thinking before he speaks and acts, giving him a filter. For example after two day in school suspension for the threat of stabbing the kid in the heart. The next day in class he made stabbing motions and laughing at the kid. (Now my son says the boy did it first so JM thought it was a game. The teacher says she only saw my son and the other boy says he didn’t do it. BUT my kid is not a liar but I could not prove it.) This is why I told him to stay close to the teacher. The boys can not say he did something if he is right by her side. The second medication is suppose to help with focus.

*What strategies were tried before the decision to medicate? We were trying weekly and monthly reward programs. We were also doing bi-weekly therapy. That therapist was more concerned with me and what I was doing vs. giving Jason tools to cope and deal with situations. We are seeing someone else. Someone that has been suggested to us for JM’s specific problems.

*What strategies worked last year, and why are they no longer effective? The situation was different. The only one getting hurt was my child and his feelings so the school was less concerned. Now that he has threatened others they are all ears.

I feel like I want to be fair….. I know my child isn’t an angel. He truly does make it hard for others to like him. He speaks loud, has no concept of personal space, he thinks he is smarter then everyone including the teacher and will tell you as much, has no concept of rudeness (he tells total strangers on the street to stop smoking because the second hand smoke will kill not only them but him), he has reached out without asking to touch a friend of mine’s nine month pregnant belly to see if he could feel the baby move. He has told my father in law who is 80 yrs old that he is old and biologically his death is near, he has told me that I should eat right because I am overweight (even though he knows I diet all the time and very sensitive). He just doesn’t get he can and is hurting someone’s feelings and everything is always happening TO him. He rarely will take any responsibility for his role in the problem. BUT that is who he is. He is honest and true and just because he say things others are thinking he is thought of as different and makes others uncomfortable. So that is more of a picture of my child. Good or bad I love him and I want others to love him but most important I want him to feel loved and accepted by his peers.

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