Anyone offer advice?

So here is what’s been going on for the past three weeks in our lives…..

My son (JM) who is nine has been in gifted since 1st grade. Before school he never went to school he always was home with me. I have always been what most consider a “helicopter” mom….. meaning I hover. When he was small I was always there to step into any situation to say ” ok kids let’s talk about this, let’s work this out”. What I thought at the time was I was modeling how to deal with these situations. What I didn’t realize was I was not allowing him to develop these skills on his own. So when he started school and he was a bit immature, not the best socially I always had an excuse…. “He’s so smart the others can’t relate to him” or “his a boy so this is why he’s so immature” or “he’s having social issues because I never allowed him to develop them on his own”. So the first year of school was great with a wonderful teacher who saw how special my child is. Starting in 1st grade the trouble began. To make a very long story short the problems at school has come to a serious head three weeks ago. On February 17, 2012 my child was making threats to others and himself. He got two days in school suspension. We saw a new doctor at one of the best places where we live and he was oked by her that he is not an immediate threat to himself or others. They did put him on a medication for a trial period. After a very long in take process, they told me he has ADHD and she believes he also has Asperser’s. He will be doing testing to confirm. She assures me while my hovering may have impacted him slightly, he is who he is no matter what I did when he was little.

The school wants to start a RTI data collection program and I have request a 504 plan be started. Also I have contacted a child advocate.

I am worried because the boys in his class are mean and seem to take enjoyment in getting him in trouble and my poor boy doesn’t realize this fact. And the teacher is now keeping a very close eye on my kid for any little thing.

The school will not move his class and the doctor supports this choice. She says my son needs to learn to adapt to these types of situations. It’s just hard to think of my son feeling alone. I wanted him out of this class but what she said was there is always going to be these mean children and we (the teacher, myself, the school, the Drs) all need to help my son learn to cope with this. This is what she said she is talking about when she said “adapt”. Its hard for me to deal with I said if I were in a situation where I was getting teased or had no friends I would leave and when he is at school in class this is just not an option. But the dr said switching classes would send him the wrong message. I agree and disagree at the same time. I guess I would feel better about it if I knew for a fact the teacher is teaching the other children tolerance. But I hold onto there are 53 more school days in this year, and then we can regroup, reboot, attend social skill class and be on the medications all summer. I will be so in tune at the start of next year that at the first sign of trouble I will then make a choice about home schooling him without “sending him the wrong message”.

Parents, In my same boat with an older child, even adult children please tell me this gets easier. Please tell me one day my sweet son will find others that will love him for who he is. He will find friends who take him into their circle.

I struggle with putting him on medication (for the past three weeks he has been on one and in six weeks they may put him on a second).

So what we have done over the past three weeks: Gotten him into see a new Doctor who prescribed medication and is monitoring him very closely, gotten him into bi-weekly one on one therapy to talk about his feelings and what is happening to him, gotten him into a weekly group social skills class and he continues to have play dates with a boy in the area who is also high functioning Asperser child.
Anyone have any thoughts or advice etc on medication?

My son has been on Intuniv for three weeks and the dr likes what she sees. She said when we come back for his follow up she wants to add Strattera.

Anyone have any personal experience with these?

We have also started a major behavior plan at school in addition to medication BTW. He is on a daily reward system with another weekly incentive. But at this point I am so happy for him to just get through each day. I just want him to get past this part and get him into adulthood where I hope it will be an easier path.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. shelly
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 08:10:26

    well Ang my sister has been through all this with her boys. Mostly the middle child. And I am going through it as well with my son… I to am having a hard time putting him on meds. I will say this my oldest as you know is one of a kind as well however she is a girl not a boy so for us dealing with such issues it was actually easier and being in HS she now has grown in to a great young lady. However, she still struggles with teachers an how they teach her things or even movies we watch… she always wants to know why they did this or how did that happen. Anyway they are a blessing no matter what and as a parent we love them no matter!


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