I just heard someone say something that just hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me so hard for some reason. I’m not even sure I’ve never heard this before but for some reason I was actually listening this time. I hope this time it will actually linger in my mind, haunt me in my sleep and follow me throughout my many daydreams. Move me not to tears but force me into action.
I will paraphrase but it was something like this:
“I continue my bad life patterns not because it feels good, but because it is what I know. It is what is familiar. It feels bad inside but it is what I have always lived and so I continue to live it.”
This is exactly what it feels like to me when I overeat, over commit, allow my husband to be emotionally unavailable to me and allow my kids to walk all over me.
Maybe when I finally achieve understanding the above, understanding just because it is familiar does not mean I must accept or allow this to happen to me. Then and only then can I fully grow and change and evolve into the person, into the woman I know is inside of me screaming to be released.