oh no are my bunnies showing?

I know it is getting dusty around here. I’ve been reading a lot (I need to update that page here). I’ve also been working a little more plus I just don’t have a lot of inspiration for writing these days.


I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on what I am doing and my motivations for doing these things. I have been struggling with a question in my mind:


When is a person pretending to be something they are not or are they striving to be the person they want to become?


Between all my crafting, volunteering and over scheduling; after I strip all that away this is the question I am left with. Yes more often then not I want to do the things I am doing but other times I do them because I want to be able to “do it all” or be a better mother. My friends tease me that I am very organized, overly organized. They all say they are in awe of my color coded/symbol filled calendar but really my mind is chaotic and this is the only way to try to keep us on track. And it is part of my over eating problem, really the butterfly effect. 


I want to be more (more of a mother, friend, PTA member, income contributor etc) so I volunteer/over schedule that creates a jammed packed schedule. A jammed packed schedule leads to a chaotic mind with no time to just be. A chaotic mind leads to a short temper or tired body. A short temper or tired body from whatever task that hopefully was completed leads to not wanting to cook or feeling like I deserve a treat. A short temper or tired body leads to eating out or over eating. Eating out or over eating brings guilt that I could not control myself and I mentally beat myself up leading most times to indifference. Indifference ultimately leads to more negative behavior. 


So there you go sports fans am I pretending, striving or just plain indifferent? At this point it all means the same thing…. FAT.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Elisabeth
    Sep 05, 2008 @ 22:30:36

    Enjoyed your blog. I struggle with the same thing, the overeating because I don’t schedule meals.


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A Place For Everything

removing the clutter...forever

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