Here is the eternal question; why continue to do something if it is not working? I have asked myself that question several times recently and I have not found a good answer. The only thing I can come up with is habit. Change seems scary; it is easy to do what one has always done.
Moving to this new place I am still getting my footing even now a year later. I have tried and tried to recreate what I had out west and have been disappointed over and over when I fail. The truth is I can not recreate the circle of friends I had out West simply by joining the same type of support group. Number one everyone is different and only until I stop comparing can I truly make new friends. Number two these new friends can not possible compete with the life changing experiences I shared with my old circle of friends, those days of pregnancy, child birth, nursing and all those other new mom firsts are all gone. I can not build the same kinds of relationship I have with my old friends, I can only strive for new types of connections. And number three I am in a different place in my life, a new place with new challenges. No longer am I the new mom of one infant or the mom who just had a second baby. I’m not a mom dealing with a cranky first baby who doesn’t understand why said baby just won’t sleep. I am not the mom questioning the “what if’s” of mothering babies. No no I have a whole new set of “what if’s” to deal with and miss having that connection with my old friends.
Not to brag but I had the total package as far as friends go, my circle was made up of a nice melting pot of experience and I was never left wondering what to do. I always had someone to go to who had “been there done that”. I was also valued in my circle as well because I too had some “BTDT” advice of my own. It was a good balance and I never felt like there was a lack of give and take in my relationships. I don’t seem to have that in the group I am trying so desperately to connect with. No amount of trying will magically create that and I either need to come to grips with that or move on.
There is another group that seems to be able to provide what I am looking for but it is a new thing, not what I am use to and I am having trouble giving into it completely because it is not the group I have always believed in. The first group works, I still believe in it but I need to realize it works for what it is. And what I am having a hard time accepting is; what it is, may not be what I need anymore and that thought is scary. I’m not sure if somewhere deep inside I feel like if I let the first group go here I will diminish what I had with my old circle of friends and that simply is not true.
I miss my friends, I miss seeing them, I miss seeing their children, and I miss all the little things. One memory sticks out in my mind; my friend’s in laws had been staying for a visit at her home for about two weeks. That meant our time together was very limited during those two weeks. I remember the moment they departed she called me and I screamed “come over” and within 15 minutes she was drinking diet coke at my kitchen table. I miss that.