anyone want to join me? There’s room for two….

When the boy was two years old during my pregnancy with the girl, my MOMS Club had a deal with a local gym. We went once a month to one of their classes and had the luxury of putting our children in their childcare facility. That was very nice and I enjoyed the class but most of all I looked forward to the shower in the locker room after. Not because I like being in a small stall that has seen more ass then a movie house or the low quality free shampoo they offered or walking in or out with other women. No, none of those reasons. The reason I looked forward to this gym shower every month was it was the only shower during that month I was able to not only take alone but uninterrupted. I was able to wash my hair, my body, shave my legs and just relax all by myself! 

 I have missed that gym shower since the deal is long over. A point punctuated with the fifteen questions I just get upon entering my shower every night. This evening it is like they have “mommydar” something like “gaydar” but different.

I go in shut the door… forgetting to lock it. I remove my clothing and before I can even turn the water on my daughter, who may just be just qualify for the Guiness Book of World Record for the world’s smallest bladder, walks in…. 

MD: Mommy I have to pee

ME: ok go ahead…. But don’t flush 

I then step in the shower and then I hear knock, knock 

ME: what?

JM: mommy my hands are sticky,I need to wash my hands

ME: ok go ahead

JM: Mommy there is pee in the toilet

ME are you done?

  

Back to showering… 

CD: hon are you finish with the paper?

ME: Ummm yea I guess

CD: ok I’m taking the recycling out then

ME: ok go ahead 

Me trying to finish with my shower… 

JM: mom MD won’t share…

MD: mom JM is being mean…       

ME: where is your daddy? Go find him please… 

Giving up on my shower and now drying off 

CD: why are the kids in the backyard?

ME: I guess looking for you? I’m in the bathroom….  

Oh how I long for my once a month shall in the gym…. Ten minutes all to myself….    

9/11/01 is such a horrible day in history for Americans. So much has been written about that day and the time leading up to the attack. I walked away from that day very worried and sad. Worried for my country and our safely and sad for all the families that lost someone that day. Those people that can never be replaced no matter where the blame truly lies. With that in mind I read this article yesterday that literally made me sick. In a nut shell the author, Hana Schank was expressing that parents in today society tell their children they love them too much… UMMM WHAT? She further went on to say children should just “know” they are loved. That she found herself saying she loved her toddler only after screaming at him.

  Well as you know I am not a model mother and I do my fair share of yelling but there is never a lack of “I love yous” in our home. I can see why she feels the statement is not genuine after a screaming session but what about all the other times?   

I on the other hand find myself telling my children out of the blue how much I love them and how honored I am to be their mother and how very special they are to me many times during each day.

  I am not questioning Ms. Schank’s love for her child, on the contrary I feel so incredibly sad and sorry for her and her child. One can only wonder how does she look into her child’s eyes without being overcome with pride and burst with love that it oozes out? Yes actions mean so much more then words do but I hope at the end of the day my actions and my words are in line with one another. I could never start the day, end the day or leave my child without the expression of love. That goes for my husband as well. I can not imagine him leaving for the day or laying down at night without the exchange of “I love you”. As we learned on September 11, 2001, life is fleeting and sometimes we face challenges we were not prepared for so I would like to be armed as best I can. I am not a believer in time will tell or work something out. I believe in the here and now and if one has something to say it’s best to say it and not leave it to wonder because you never know when the last time is.  So my advice is tell your loved ones how much they mean to you even if you think they may already know.      

Everything is a sliding scale

You know just when I think I am at the bottom of the self pity barrel something happens that bring it back into prospective. I can not go into detail but my sister is in trouble. The kind of trouble I am not sure myself or my family can save her from. What is the most heartbreaking about this situation is not only are the people who love her and know the kind of person she is, we are helpless to protect her. Like everyone else she has had her share of ups, downs, highs, low, good choices and not so great ones but this incident happens to be one of the times she truly was minding her own business and was literally in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I wish I could scream from the roof tops why are you trying to hurt her? Why are you so greedy? She is a real person with real feelings!   She has gotten her life straighten out and going back to school and everything is looking rosy and then BAM this thing happens.  Now her fate is up to others and I hope they see what a wonderful person she is.

Another entry for my Mother of the Year application

We have been away from our family (in another state) since before the kids were born. So I am finding it somewhat difficult to balance everything. For example today we went to my grandmother’s home along with many extended family members. Everything is going ok until my four year old decided to climb on a small statue of a tiger. The statue is a tiger in the sit/laying poison the way cats sit and is bigger then him. Well it is about 30 years old and my son fell knocking it over and smashing the tiger’s face in the ground breaking the nose. After making sure he wasn’t hurt, I got upset and smacked him on the back of the head. I then took him into the bathroom really to escape everyone’s eyes and to talk to him. He was hysterical and wouldn’t talk to me. We were both upset and both embarrassed. We came out of the bathroom, I had him apologies to both his grandparents who both insisted it was not a big deal, but what really could they say? Then we left. I’m sure they are all sitting around talking about how out of control my kids are and how I am a horrible mother.

  

When I was younger my Aunt and Uncle’s boys were a bit wild and I remember every time they would leave my parents and grandparents sitting around just going on and on about their bad behavior and how they needed good spanking…. 

   

JM finally calmed down on the drive home saying it was an accident and I calmly explained I understood that it was an accident but he should have known better then to have climbed on top of the tiger to begin with.

  I am in tears now. I know he feels bad and I feel bad for how I handled the situation. I wish I would not have hit him in front of everyone (or at all) even though it was just a swat but it was more then was needed. I am so sad when stuff like this happens. On one hand I don’t want my family to think my sweet loving child is wild or “bad” so I try to handle incidents as best I can but I find myself being more harsh then I normally would be because of this. I don’t want anyone to think I will let my child go around breaking other people’s belongings or being naughty. I just feel so crappy …. I feel like a bad mother. I feel like I am failing my children.           This after yesterday my father and his girlfriend making comments about my children running and screaming in the house. Saying I must give them too much sugar to make them act so wild. They are two and four years old and completely out of their element. They are use to really full schedules of playgroups and classes and sports. Not being cooped up all day everyday in a very small space being asked to be quiet all day. We go out and do things but NO WHERE near what we are use to. This will all change when we move into our own house but who knows when that will happen.  

My little tree hugger


The concert was so much fun! We had great seats to

begin with (center row 17) but we quickly “moved” up to about row 8 and before it was over were nestled nicely in row 5!!! I had so much fun. We saw Brande from VH1’s Rock of love with Bret Michaels she was two rows ahead of us. All around awesome time! I can not wait until we go again hopefully next year and get even closer!!!

The beach was absolutely wonderful as well, so calm and quiet I hated coming home. The kids had a blast building sandcastles and swimming. We went on walks and collect shells and sand dollars. It was perfect, escapism as it’s finest!

Good news is while we were gone a lot of homes in an area previously out of reach for us have dropped in asking price (well good news for us). So we have a full day of home touring this upcoming Saturday, so hopefully we’ll not be homeless at least by Christmas. Also my little diva sweetie MD decided this trip she would model for me. Her normal routine is running screaming in the opposite direction of the camera. This was so much more fun! I dressed her in one of my favorite dresses and took her out at sunset on the beach. She posed and followed instruction… It was awesome! And it may be because I am her mother but I think she is just so beautiful! As her father would say she’s smart as well! And man is he correct; we have quit the cookie on our hands.    

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