Who’s in control? Clearly not me…..

So as one can gather from the lack of updates on my diet blog page, the diet lifestyle change is not going so well and has all but stalled. I was on a six week roll. I was following weight watchers, walking 2 miles a day doing really good. Then I went on a two week vacation and ate how I wanted and didn’t exercise and came home prepared to work but when I got home and on the scale I found I was two pounds lighter then when I left!?!? How could that be? All the work and diet changes and I lose more on vacation? WTF?

So I have been stalled for the last two weeks and have not exercised or ate right or got on the scale. In fact yesterday I found myself sitting with a bowl of raw brownie mix (minus the egg) spoon feeding not only myself but my two baby birds. When I spoke the words “ok guys enough go play the rest is moms” I realized I had a problem. I got up tossed out the mix~ bowl, spoon and all and really wanted to cry. What am I doing? What am I teaching them? I have in the past considered doing Lapband surgery or Gastric Bypass but I always come back to being scared. The “what if’s” haunt me. What if I’m 1 of the “3 in 200 (1.5%)”  people who die after surgery for weight loss? Or what if it works and then after a while I regain then where do I turn? Or what if it just plain doesn’t work?

 

 

I read stories in magazines like Sharon Osbourne and Star Jones and see how they have had wild success and wish it could be me. But then I read stories like Carnie Wilson who still really struggles.

 

I think I have the short end of the stick all around, meaning I think I definitely have a mental issue with food but I think I may also have medical issues with food. I have PCOS, I have never used this as an excuse for being overweight because I am accountable for everything I place in my body but really this vacation (two whole weeks) points out to me maybe there is something beyond my control and would having one of those surgeries even help me?  

 

Just one more thing that seems out of control in my life.

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