Take me home country road……


 *Only a  Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH”  them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a  mess.”.

* Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”.

* Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, … as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”.

* Even Southern babies know that  Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table..

* All Southerners know exactly  when “by and by” is.  They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

*Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

* Only Southerners grow up knowing the  difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.”  They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

*Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol‘ boy,  and po‘ white trash.

* No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

* A Southerner  knows that fixin can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

* Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when  we’re “in line,” … we talk to everybody!

Put  100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

*In the South, y’all is singular, …. all y’all is plural.

* Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

*Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

* When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin‘,” you know you are in the presence of  a genuine Southerner!

* Only true Southerners  say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.”  Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened.  “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

* And a true Southerner knows you  don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.

*To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:  Take  two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.  Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless  your hearts, I hear they are fixin to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

_____ And  for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time,  all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”____ Bless your hearts, … y’all have a blessed day.  

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