At least I got the last word…..

The following is the past few days worth of mean emails. Starting with one to the group and my reply to the group and the ones that follow are private. I want to say I have no idea what “they” are talking about and I am extremely hurt. I plan to continue to be myself and not let this break my spirit. This girl is not an active member (I actually think she works and her children are around 12yrs) other then MNO but she has a group of good friends who are active. I know this girl is a mean, unhappy and gossipy person. That does not make this blow any easier…..

First Mean girl email :
Mom’s Night Out – Wednesday, November …th at 6:30pm
This month for MNO we will go to ……
We’ll meet there at 6:30pm for dinner and then hang out to enjoy each
others company and for what always turns out to be a fun and
“interesting” time.
Hope to see you there!
> Ms Mean girl

My group reply that she would not put to the group:
Have fun girls. I wish could join you but I work on Monday and
Wednesday evening. Maybe one month soon
we can meet on a different night. 🙂 AMC

Mean girl reply to me:
You know AMC, I never once complained or even made a comment to you about any of the events that you plan that I am not able to attend because of my schedule. I would appreciate the same consideration from you. I know you work Monday and Wednesday nights. I know you wish MNO was on another night. You send an email saying that almost every single time, I get it. We re-evaluated with surveys the last time you complained and found out what we already knew – Wednesday night works for the majority of the club and is when we have the best turn out. So that is when we plan them for. If it is hosted at someone’s house, they pick the night. So it is no surprise that most of the time, they chose Wednesday.
So I guess I will see you at the next event that you plan that works for my schedule. If you like, I can reply when the events are sent out letting everyone know what my schedule is and what would work better for me, but I’m afraid that might be rude.
~Ms Mean girl

My reply to her:

Dear Mean girl, Your email is extremely hurtful. My intent is a hope that maybe others who don’t have evening commitments might say what other nights are good as well. I know on those surveys sometimes we say one night might be better then others but sometimes really it is not that big of a deal and we choose a night at random.

I never once sent you any kind of personal attack. I am a new member trying to fit in. All I ever hear from my fellow members is if something doesn’t work for you to speak up and we will make it work . As far as your schedule or needs how can I meet them? I am more then happy to put something on the calendar that is more convenient for you. Just like I have done with every other request I have received from our members in regards to the daytime events. Are your children in school? Maybe we can form an after school playgroup or a mommy playgroup. I know you have been an active member of this chapter and are still an extremely well accepted and key member. It is so easy to forget how hard it is being the “new” girl. Until this experience I don’t think I understood what that meant. Sometimes it is just hard to see.

MOMS Club is about supporting one another. Meeting the needs of each one of us and while I would never expect for any event to be planned solely with my needs in mind, I am a member….. an active member who deserves to be heard and supported.

I offered twice last month to host the December’s MNO and both times that offer was meet with silence. I understand. I suppose to branch out to embrace new people is hard at first and I can be patience. I respect the time the board, the coordinators and general membership put into making our chapter wonderful. I respect you for all the work you do, and have done.
I also ask that my hard work and commitment to this club and chapter be looked at as a sign that I have a commitment to help make our chapter great.

I wish I knew you better, I’m sorry I don’t know the ages of your children. I am positive you face your own set of challenges.

I have a three year old and a just twelve month old. It is extremely difficult to get to know other members and build real relationships at events. In fact I have been a member for almost four months and was able to attend last months MNO ( my teaching job was on a break) And twice I heard from two different members “wow that surprises me about you” and “oh I would never had guessed that”. MNO at it’s core is a time for us moms to get to know each other on levels you can’t while chasing around wee ones. And trust me mine need chasing. I am at a point in my life and my children’s that I need this club desperately for friendships and most importantly support..

No I am not asking for any special favors other then I really would love the chance for other to see the normal side of me. Not just the crazy coming apart at the seems, desperate mom that comes to calendar events. A chance for our fellow members to get to know me.

I am guessing this is more of a response then you are looking for. Maybe you were probably hoping for no response at all and I’m sure I sound quit pathetic. I know there are a lot worse problems in the world then not feeling like anyone knows me or like I know them or the need to be accepted. I am just feeling isolated and sad. I am trying so hard but I feel like I am being judged for wanting desperately to have a connection.

I am not asking for MNO to be changed, just rotated and at this point I have a paranoid feeling even if it were to happen even just one time I would be boycotted and OH how that would be devastating on me. I am truly not trying to start a fight here or make you feel sorry for me. I am not trying to be a boat rocker, complain or be rude. I just want an opportunity to fit in. I respect the amount of time you have been a member of this chapter. I appreciate all the work you have done and continue to do for there even to be a chapter for me to be in. All I am asking is for is some understanding and compassion.

Thanks for listening. I know it was more then you wanted. I just wanted you to understand my intent and where I am coming from. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings with my intended post that is not why I wrote it. Truly I am trying to make friends here not enemies.

Sincerely, AMC

The jaw dropping respose from mean girl:
It’s time to stop dancing around the real issue here and just lay it all out on the table. The fact of the matter is that your reputation preceded you before you ever even joined our chapter. Many of us heard about the different troubles that you caused within your previous chapter. We knew about you before we ever even knew you, but decided to give you a fair chance when you got here. *****AMC insert {I have no idea what she is talking about!!!!}*****

We ALL remember VIVIDLY what it is like to be the new person. We have all been there and know what it is like to feel like the outsider. And I have seen most everyone in this club do an awesome job of making new members feel welcome. But I can honestly say I have never seen a new member come in and try to take over the way you have. I was there the day you came to your first event. You came in, introduced yourself to mean girl friend and myself, shook our hands, and started listing off the things you wanted to change.***AMC insert {NOT TRUE!!}***** From our outings to our service projects, you had an agenda all planned out. Honestly now , can you not see how that might not be well received? You said at mean girl’s friend’s house that you didn’t feel welcome at the first few events? *****AMC insert {this small group of mean girls treat me horrible. No wonder I was feeling it!}******
Well how do you think we felt? You have a reputation throughout MC of causing trouble *****AMC insert {I guess that is why IMC is promoting me???}***** and you come in and immediately want to change things. For you to say that you are not trying to be a “boat rocker” it just ludicrous to me. In your email you wrote “My intent is a hope that maybe others who don’t have evening commitments might say what other nights are good as well”. I know exactly what your intent is. It is to change this chapter into exactly what YOU want it to be. A chapter that does a service project once a month, a chapter that raises money for a shade awning for the park, a chapter that has MNO on the third Tuesday of every month, a chapter that doesn’t have park days on Wednesdays, and so on and so on. And you think that one by one you will accomplish these things until you are on the board next year and can have more control. But what you are doing in the midst of all this manipulating is creating a lot of hard feelings. These people are my friends. And I have sat here for the last four months and watched you do things to hurt them and manipulate them. I can’t speak for any of them, it is up to them if they want to be honest with you, but I have had enough.

I have never spoken to anyone in MOMS Club like this before and never thought I would. But it would kill me to see this chapter be destroyed by people with dishonest intentions. You do not need to tell me that MOMS Club is about supporting one another. I know what MOMS Club is about and I know the kind of experiences I have had within the club. If you have been in the club for years and are feeling “isolated and sad” than maybe you need to step back and really evaluate what you are trying to accomplish here. What is more important to you? Making close friendships or making the outings, service projects, and MNO’s what YOU want them to be?

~Ms mean girl

Dear Mean girl,

Thanks for the email, I haven’t laughed that hard in years. It seems you’ve uncovered my secret plot to overthrow the world, starting or course, with MOMS Club. Your vigilance is admirable. If left unchecked, I may seize control in a hostile takeover and schedule a dreaded laundry and house cleaning party at my house. Of course I am only JOKING! But seriously, I am not trying to take over your club and I’m sorry that you have succumbed to dealing in idle gossip. My only intent is to be an active, involved member of MOMS Club. You can believe what you want or feel free to call me to clear any rumors you have heard. I plan on staying a member and will make a concerted effort to fully accommodate the requests of our members as daytime events coordinator.

~AMC

If Ms mean girl and her group of “we” thought I was gangbusters before…. just wait!!!! Is this a support group or what???

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